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Drama Queen Vs. Kesse
This Is The First Round So Records Will Not Be at stake.
But if you no show you will have your post cut in half. You Must Vote in 2 other battles after you post yours or you will be DQ’d and will have your post cut in half. Check In’s Due Before Tuesday March 15 Verses Due Before Thursday March 17 First to 3 Votes Win’s.. 2-0 = KO Remember, everything is in Pacific Time. If you do not know what that is then too bad. Topic: Blind |
checkin in........dayum, gotta get dq first....gl to ya
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Checkity Check
G'luck :thumbup: DQ |
30 linex max...
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the sands of time are turning, and my life nears its end my death will go unnoticed, the darkness was my only friend but i shall pass in comfort, for the earth is an ugly place endless conflict, for as little as being a different race the build-up of violence and hate in the world is truly horrific we end up waging war, just to teach us how to be more pacific and everyday, people leave their homes, thinking all is fine that every event is planned, all part of one universal design but our world is dying more everyday, our eyes live to deceive and we belive what we see, how can people get anymore naive we keep neglecting these problems, and they continue to increase action must be taken immediately, but over half the population is obese so people rot away at home, their brains infected by television what they're having for dinner, remains the most difficult decision why people are dying needlessly, its too far beyond conmprehension how many more innocent lives must be taken, before people take attention this happens on daily basis, you can even read it in the news but i guess theres more important things, like cigarettes and booze theres no doubt at all, the hope for the future continues to cascade far too many dfferences are being settled by way of gun or grenade but we are too quick to act, never thinking of consequences to follow leaving more destruction to begin with, tough for anyone to swallow and in time, the abundance of natural resources will surely be depleted yet we rest hopes on our children, but they'll soon realize they were cheated our actions are taking precious years off the life of the world and will continue to happen, because no ones cares till all is unfurled its all around us, but i never truly witnessed its slow demise some may call is a curse, but me...a blessing in disguise i lost my vision as a child, but i do not hesitate to embrace for i feel sight is overrated, the world turned out a disgrace _______________________________________ and just to make clear....im not talking about pacific ocean in 6th line, haha |
^^ omg.. Kesse i think your very underrated this piece was beautiful.. i'll drop a vote when DQ gets in here.. but you had a great closing few bars.. and u really had alot of knowledge to back up your story.. your imagery was alrite, your emotion was definitely there.. but the one thing you did differently then i woulda done.. was overused vocab.. but never the less this was still a dope drop...
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There were three of us girls over at Mrs. Jackson's house Our conversation revolved around her passionate spouse The others thought that maybe she could've done better While she seemed mainly concerned with the glum weather I studied her profile as she stood by the window though Body and mind no longer functioning as a quid pro quo . . . Mrs. Jackson had never exactly been friendly towards me It would've given me pleasure to know she had been poorly I knew she couldn't be happy, I knew she must be worried Her husband saw me twice a week.. always in a fucking hurry Had she found the lipsticked collars? The smell of perfume? The scratches on his back? Or noticed my swelling womb? She couldn't have missed it...I wanted to see her whimper Or break down and cry so we could gossip through December . . . What was that? I saw a faint purple bruise on her arm With a bit of luck if I mentioned it, she would lose her calm The house was tidy but I could picture the bitter quarrels Happening regularly, leaving her brow with little furrows I knew she was quite miserable, maybe even grown suicidal As her whole life fell apart just like her home's blue vinyl . . . But she seemed determined that no one else should find out Pain clearly present in her eyes, she was sad beyond doubt She turned away from the blinds with such elegance and style Blinded by that row of bleached teeth, hiding behind her smile |
Kesse:
dope verse. You got the vocabulary on lock, and the imagery was good because you got more detailed than others do. Even if you arent describing a certain scene, everyone could paint the picture of the scene in their mind. Thats a true writers gift. Emotion was perfect, not too much but just enough. You stayed on topic the way through pretty consistent. Fell off in 1 or 2 places but besides that your verse was dope. overall : 8/10 Drama Queen: Im sorry to say but this is one of the worst topicals i have seen from you. #1. you had the same problem as Konfliktz.. you werent on topic at all. If i didnt know the topic by reading your verse i would have guessed it was about domestic violence. You didnt pull yourself back on topic at all and i know you can. Decent emotion the imagery was great. You were consistent just not with the topic. Decent verse, expected more though. Overall: 6.5/10 vote: Kesse |
Well, I was really felin this battle
DQ...ya piece was nice. I liked the emotion and the genuine feeling of dislike. I knew she was quite miserable, maybe even grown suicidal As her whole life fell apart just like her home's blue vinyl ^^ Feelin this, great imagery. But as far as the topic is concerned, it was a lil off. I understand where u were going, and what you were trying to convey, but it took a lil too long for you to get there, and once you got there, I wasn't just totally amazed. Good piece, just didn't seem to mesh well with the topic to me. No Hate. 7/10 Kesse...what can I say??? Ya piece was mad nice. Though yours was much like DQ's in a sense that you described a lot before you hit the topic, when you did, it made me say damn. And that was the biggest difference between your piece and DQ's piece. Imagery was there, vocab was...pretty decent, but ya last four lines is what really wrapped it up for you. its all around us, but i never truly witnessed its slow demise some may call is a curse, but me...a blessing in disguise i lost my vision as a child, but i do not hesitate to embrace for i feel sight is overrated, the world turned out a disgrace 9/10 v/Kesse |
Yeah, I was gonn
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^Oops, what I was gonna say was that I was gonna no-show in fact because I'm in the middle of my exams at the moment so couldn't really study maths and write topical at same time. And topic wasn't really my thing...
But I do think I was on topic because she chose to stay blind for the cheating of her husband and she pretended everything was right (she put up a blind). But anyway, loving Kesse's verse (even though I was gonna use the same concept :( ) DQ |
^ your verse was still pretty good though.....that was a good idea.......if you had more time i think you coulda make it wicked good........haha
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Kess wins..
2-0 Thread Closed -Dabatos |
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