Evilbombsquad vs DaGyrlRemarqabL
 

10 lines min. 20 max
due: Thursday (get intouch with me if that wont work for your schedule. we will work it out. Also if you have problems with topics reach me.

Topic: Faith

p.s Evil you have till friday to complete your piece sorry for the change up atetrack told me he wouldnt make it. DA your deadline still remains for thursday

-1-

easy subject , yall better post sooner or later

um checkin in i guess. and ^^ why is this guy freeposting in my thread

^Seriously tho. Worry bout your own battle, Giz.

Can't Count onFAITH

Im surrounded with a glowing gray of night-where-I-stand,
The stars look as if someone put them right-there-by-hand,
And though the chilled breeze caused my glands to expand,
as the goosebumps spanned up my arms in a strand,
as the moon shone so bright, its light seemed to expand,
over my glitterring eyes, and every-earth its sight scanned,
I stand, here all alone, all dressed up like you told me,
The air coldly, I wondered how the night would unfold-see,
But I started to want to run home, cry and rip off my clothes,
As I waited, and waited, till rain dripped off my nose..
and slipped down to my toes, yet still i had faith,
that you would show up and fix the feeling on my face.
That you'd keep your promise, so I didnt give-up,
and ten minutes later, i saw you drive up.
And i got in the car, you're joking..smoking, and yet,
I was happy you came, though still soaking-wet....

If it hadnt been for my faith, I would have already surrendered,
But you said it'd be great, a real night to remember...
A house party?! This is nothing I haven't seen before,
guys and whores behind doors, drinking galore...
Im disappointed, But still I'll try to make the best,
I get up to search for you, a mis-take like the rest..
I saw a girl, and then you, par-take in her breast..
you two kiss and of course shove a stake-in-my-chest..
Fighting back tears, i turn to leave and realized
we're deep in the city, I dont know any of these guys..
I try to hide..what to do? I just cant decide..
Ill have to try to find a ride, I cant go back inside..
No surprise, that all of the cars passed me by,
2 o' clock in the morning, im then aprroched by this guy
And im instantly relieved.. now this nice man will help-me,
but he gripped me and dragged me, all the way while he felt-me
And the whole time I asked God a question, a riddle,
Why me? As a blade ripped the flesh-of my-middle..
Then i felt God had heard me, for a sudden intruder,
Broke the silence of this rape,and his face looked familiar..
I thought, Thank You Lord for sending someone to stop this,
But then to my horror, he only joined in the pro-cess..
And i closed my eyes, cried, could only lay there and take it-
as both of these sinners covered my body like a blanket..
Then i recognized my rapist, as my body he invades
He was well known in high school...because he has AIDS.
I prayed for my angel but, had none of the sort-and,
cuz of that my life was significantly short-ened.
.................................................. ........................
I was a good girl, I believed, but now every-ounce is hate..
For i learned the hard way, you just cant count-on-faith.

*sigh*...patttiiieennttlly waiittiingg

both verses were good but theres no reason to sway.. im a good boy.. :)

^^^quite trying 2 sway votes
__________________________________

Once there was a little girl,
who didn't have any luck.
It is said by some from here,
that she fell off a turnip truck.

But one day, it all did change,
and everything started to click.
Her mind was filled with music,
a basic rhythum she could pick.

Her songs of life and sorrows,
became an instant hit.
Those songs about her life,
brought a tear I must admit.

But now she has no worries
as she has everything.
Her songs are sung by everyone
which children love to sing.

The blessings she received
before she became so old.
Is more precious to her now
than any box of gold.

gettin rid of swaying. :) happy?

Though all i know tis all in jest. It still is kind of unfair, Violet..(!)..

G'Luck both of ya...

DaGyrlRemarqabL:
This was a very interesting poem........The way you opened it with a beautiful night sky setting (making life seem to be perfect) and insantly a storm arises breaking all normality.
Further more as i began reading about a soon to be torn relationship i thought that this particular topic (FAITH)should have been presented with far more depth but by reading the last verse it instantly brought me extreme emotion/imagery/meaning to what faith was for.......I enjoyed the fact you catagorized the nights events from suddle mishaps and ended it with a terrible catastrophic event......I was wrong about this poem and i love suprises...I think some of the rhyme scheme at times was a bit basic but it brought your point across and with that i give this piece an (8)--nicely done

evilbombsquad:
Wow this was a different way to bring on a topic such as Faith......
Very simplistic but i believed it had its reasons--this reminded me of a childrens story very basic yet to the point. It lacked imagery for the most part but you kept it to the point of understanding. I feel it also lacked a direct meaning towards faith.

"But one day, it all did change,
and everything started to click.
Her mind was filled with music,
a basic rhythum she could pick"

this stanza seemed to be her point or begining of faith---
faith in what though? Music can generate many things but what kind of life and sorrows did this lady have? What generated her faith....Faith in what? Basically i feel that many would have overlooked this poem not understanding the very meaning or importance but it caught my eye enough for me to really decipher it. I rate this a (6) nice work

Finally: DaGyrlRemarqabL will proceed to the 2nd round. Evil nice work and thanks for being able to switch topics so suddenly.

-1-

lol i said faith in what twice my bad...........

-1-

AWESOME CHOICE she did a good job

Strongly done Joey. You came at it in your usual methodical way...i liked it, but another giant killing was not to be this time...

Gege, Deacon said most of it.

All i gotta says is BRILLIANT imagery in this. Just got right into it...had a real edge to it..a real 'gege' edge to it...

..resp...