Round 1: Tha Linez Drawn
 

Topic: Shadows
Due: Tuesday April 1st.
Line max: 16 lines any more will not be counted.

The top 15 will advance.

Shadows

They musta’ been aimin’ at tha Shadows when they missed him…
Hissin’ five inches from his vision…above his ear,
listenin’, made him duck with precision, almost a victim…
He was shook…just couldn’t look, ‘till it was all clear.

From tha hieghts of fear…he struggled to fight tha tears…
Strained his heart, not knowin’ who wanted to tear him apart.
Impaired…he just stared, thinkin’ they better be scared.
From tha start, they shoulda known it wont be safe in tha park.

An’ tha witnesses gonna give ‘em…’cause of his reputation.
They tried to kill him, he’d take on tha nation jus’ to get tha last.
Pacin’ tha streets, his mind’s racin’ to meet…‘em in a station…
Pumpin’ gas, tha’ four pound make em wanna recover tha past.

Seein’ it through hazed eyes…crazed, I cried for daaays…
Lookin’ at tha youth and how they shoot, some cats just graze by…
He’s lucky ‘cause if them bullets struck, he’d never saaay…
Why he was walkin’ blazed, thru rival caves…that’s how they say Hi!

This is a true story piece written in a familar style...It's how I was feelin' when I got tha subject of tha poetry tourney...It's got everything: a familar topic, good multis, perfect rhyme meter/structure, and easily readable...all of which is no-more a part of my style because I've mastered non-conformity inside a medium that asks you to conform...but it was written to show heads I can write a "normal" rhyme if I want to, but that I choose to stretch tha limits of this genre of hiphop...heads need to be creative and elevate more...hope you liked it, peace!

..closed until judging..

Start voting

too much straying from the topic. i mean you
only mentioned shadows one time. it was about
missing a bullet not shadows. the rhyme scheme
was average. dag man. ive seen you come
one hundred times better than that. but comp.
in this tourney is like an amish home my friend.
so not based on performace but based on skills.
i vote you move to the next round. g'luck

I liked the piece a lot
but it didnt seem that you wrote hardley anything bout the topic
and the whole idea behind havin a topic is to write bout it
no disrespect dawg the piece was sick as hell
but i dont think it should go on cuz it had nuttin to do wid the topic

The Linez Drawn your one of the few writters i respect on this board i think this piece was nice as alot of your work. I also feel if the skilled writters dont make it to the next round this comp is worthless--i think you should move up to next round

Well you know I love your style.... you have alot of talent... tons of it... it was a bad ass poem.... but it wasn't really with the topic of shadows.... if I didn't have to go from it being on topic i would say next round .... but then again.... I can't.... sorry man..
vote: doesn't go to next round

All I have to say is tha shadows saved his life.

Okay...well written to an extent...

..i felt at times you rhymed when there was no need to..and also some parts ended a bit blunt...

..but on the whole, a quite powerful piece with an overall flow was which fairly strong...

...the end i felt could've been done better, instead of ending it on "that's how they say HI"..i mean a better word than HI could've been used for a piece that was so powerful....i know it can dumb the piece down, which may be what you were looking for,....but it made it a bit too dumbed down near the end with the "HI"...

...i'll get back to this, as i need to give me 6th and last vote (Yes, mods get 6 DOs and 4 DONTs) to someone, and aint read the other three yet...who knows though, i might need to change a couple of me previous votes...

..oh, and quite an oroginal approach to the topic too...good twist at the end, but as said before, the "HI" at the end meant it didn't come off as well as it could've...

Aye, you got me vote, just edging Gran Thef out of it

Vote: DOES go through to the next round

^votes dont count.

Tik's scale of grade:

Metaphors:
none really, but it didnt affect it much. try to incorperate more next time.

Imagery:
very well done. the first four luines amazed me. some of the best writing ive seen from a kid i never heard about.

Originality/Style:
first story poem ive seen from a writer other than myself in a while. fairly well done. excellent take on the topic. well put and done.

Overall:
Good piece, nice imagery, well put.
On a scale of 1-10 id have to rank it an 8.5

thanx, your votes are appreciated....when's round two?

7/10