tell me what you think
Hey there, im new the this board...would love to hook up with mc's over the net an collab an stuff.
this is a short peice....but would love some help on my structure etc any advice is greatly appreciated here it is...fire away at me... It was monday mornin' up at dawn yawnin' same old uniform im sportin' Poptarts for breakfast same old erectness this lifestyle is so infectious Ready to head off pack some shelves i wish they'd unpack themselves Doin' it so i can stand on my own 2 feet doin it just to make my ends meat Come home to the same home grown give that relaxed feeling to my dome I spark an spark some more till im seein hore's butt naked on my longe floor Start driftin' into a deep sleep drop the weed onto my sofa seat man im beat Wake up screamin like im in hell with fuckin' forked demons am i dreamin? No! my house is on fire everythings haywire fire burning down my damn empire Takin' a leap through the nearst window faster than a ford pinto creating a winnow |
waddup kid
just thought id talk a lil bit about your 1st lil drop its seems that you have done this type of thing b-4 considering yer ask 4 help with structure i didnt really see to much structure but i have to admit i liked the story wouldve been better if you would break the lines up a bit more and add sum more....well....words but who am i i dunno keep blessin 1 |
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