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Mental Anew Vs. Liquor Of Tears
::::..Rules..:::: 20 Lines Minimum 30 Lines Maximum Checks Due 6-18-04 Spits Due By 6-20-04 Votes Due By 6-23-04 Topic: Disfunctional Teen Good Luck To Both! ~R~ |
Haha Sup LoT
Check. |
woah... this is a little... odd.. This should be a nice battle to peep... Checkin it in
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Distressed Emotions Swarm His every Thought..
Torn Between Hate and Anger His Life is Caught.. Specualtions That He is Not Normal an Outcast.. Degrated with Refelections of Hate with Surpass.. Demons Surround his Dreams to Forcing Retaliation.. The Devil's Words Haunt him with Erie Conversation.. Destroy what Disturbs You Most his Man Surmise.. Mask His Intuition with a Hatred of a Disguise.. His Actions to Be at on the Hands of Reprimand.. The Cruel World Has Brung This Soul is Subdue.. His Mind Through Happy thoughts are Withdrew.. Repulsive to the Fact he is Ill he cant Stand.. Designated to End Live's Now has Taken Control.. A Life at The End of Betryal has Taken its Toll.. Now he Ended it All with One Life Taking Action.. His Mind Made Up Ending with the Least Satisfaction.. To End his Own Life was His last and Final Thread.. Deadly to Himself The Evil Thoughts In His Head.. The Swift Motion as the Bullet was Released.. The Final Second before his Breathing Ceized.. Deep read it well. |
A calous build as he spins the blades tip on his finger
His eyes slowly close, as his experimental mind lingers Misdirecting his thoughts, as they travel uncontrolled The flames that drip from their words dry the mold Mold of their creation, The being that sits staring at his reflection Pricking his finger, the deep red aroused what he once mentioned 'Regret what you have spoke, And realize what you provoke! This beast was born from your long burning word, But your ignorance will shade you until your innocence is mudered! When you have finally tasted my flesh, and indulged my mind, You digest these thorns, when my words have sunk inside...' But that was so long ago, Before he cut himself free From the noose that suffocated his reality The rope mended together by the poisoned sentences And knotted at the top by his own pennance Releasing himself from this torture, He can finally breathe He has opened his eyes to what he should have always seen Inhaling the actuality of his so called friends Exhaling his confusion and rage, just quickening the end The trail of his mind has ended, his eyes mimic half moons The time of selection has arrived, the darkness fills the room His mind is through hosting this parasite As the cold grey connects just right The inanimacy soon starts to bleed and come to life He falls to his knees and places his hands over his face Feeling his future drip from his lips, and tasting his fate ehh i hate rhyming... anyways... get votes in here. |
not sire if crew votes is allowed but battles gettin slept on so heres my vote:
LoT: you had a good verse...stayed on topic welll....decent imagery...wordplay was ok...your structure was really choppy tho...wasnt really feelin your rhyme scheme...decent vocabulary...i think the best thing about your verse was all the imagery it was pretty good...you more of told a story than described the topic... overall : 7/10 mental anew: you had a good verse also...very good vocabulary.....great structure and wordplay.....flow was consistent....not too much imagery...your verse was the opposite of LoT's...you more of described the thoughts going through his mind than wrote a story about it which i liked better...nice verse overall : 8/10 vote mental anew |
Lot-Nice Vocab and your structure was good..
Very imaginary and How you worded it was good NOt very much multies but similies was good and I liked it 8.9/10 Mental Anew-Your ish was hot also, Your stucture was good and your vocab murked it, But you did have kindof less lines but that doesnt really matter in a topical, You had good metaphores and not much multies but Hot drop 8.6/10 v/Lot not by very much |
Mental Anew .:vs:. Liquor of tear
L O T- you had a good verse. very indepth with good structure
nice flow throughout and easy to read. the end was very good like slow death.... 9/10 Mental Anew- your verse was very and held a strong storyline thoughout your ending was very good also. i just feel L O T had a more indepth structure 8/10 nice storys by both on this topic... vote- Liquor of tear |
Lol I Like how he said LoT had better structure.Anyway
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I think he meant it was more deeply written.. not anything with the structure of my sentnces..he just worded it wrong...cause i have to say that your structure is better then mine...But i never go for structure anyways...
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Mental Anew- Nice Drop, Great Vocab, You Did A Good Job Of Building Your Topic Up To A Nice Climax, Like This Drop. 8.5
Lot-hot Drop, Great Imagery, Good Use Of Vocab, This Was A Very Close Battle Lot Elevated Just Enough To Take This One. 8.8 |
Quote:
Those 8 lines were awesome, I loved them. Great work LOT and that last l;ine just made me laugh lol. Mental had a good verse, I liked the rhymes in his sentence but I didn not enjoy the way he took the topic compared to LoT. Good Battle Vpte=LoT |
Explain votes kids.
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Harold is in LoTs crew.
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Crew votes is aloud but if we notice its a d/r hes Dqed
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