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-   -   Untitled....first poem, yo (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=187453)

Germ 04-23-05 12:33 PM

Untitled....first poem, yo
 
welcoming warmth, as if you matched dawn's style
you hold a face which could brighten any day
heart as pure as the newly formed dew in the morn
and when the sun glistens softly, i see your smile

as if two stars had been plucked, one placed in each eye
sparkling brightly, even through the darkest hours
could save a man, or lose him for a thousand years
ive already experienced heaven and have yet to die

endless beauty, with time only fueling the fire
ever flowing hair, cascading down like waterfalls
always perfect...even the howling wind is silenced
and God himself would stop time, just to admire

thoughts of an angel singing at the sound of your voice
as mysterious as the unknown, the lure is overwhelming
giving hope, which touches all dreams and lifts them high
you wish to change, but knowing what others think.....
would you make that choice?

Bangalore 04-23-05 02:10 PM

i liked this keese good short n sweet n to the point nice drop ...now go check out my drop!

Germ 04-24-05 01:01 AM

^ worrrd, uppin

MC IgGY 04-24-05 01:29 AM

feelin this drop dawg
nice vocab 2

DQ 04-24-05 07:47 AM

This is an excellent poem, you just have such a nice writing style. The imagery and descriptions you used...whoa. I'm not joking over here, at first I thought oh no, again a mushy love poem but then you worded everything in such an excellent way. For instance the third part, with that hair like waterfalls. Vocab was on point, not too basic yet reader can understand everything. I absolutely love your ending as well, with the question "would you make that choice?". I really enjoyed reading this!

Solid piece!

DQ

Elementality 04-24-05 12:24 PM

yea ^ a greed. Your emotion was right on, and imigery was decisive. All in all I was mostly amped on the epicness of this poem. Good job m8/ Keep on keepn on.

morse code 04-24-05 01:54 PM

i liked this piece...the rhyme scheme and message was nice and vivid...keep it up...rtf on any of my poems 2
-1

Sweft 04-24-05 11:38 PM

Word thats how you doin things!
(LoL)
I wanna colab w/ u..
Sweft

Germ 04-24-05 11:49 PM

Yay! i'd be up for it...get at me :)

Adam 04-24-05 11:50 PM

Werd bro, I'd be feeling this if I was armless, nice drop.. Good everything, all the metas were dope as fuck...

Hey, we should collab or something...haha, peace homie..

Sweft 04-25-05 01:11 AM

yeah hit me up w/ subject or your part and I will write off ya..
Sweft

Germ 04-26-05 12:23 AM

uppin...........

Calm 04-26-05 03:28 PM

dope. i liked this one. felt the woarmth and love u felt for this girl. well i assume its a girl. but anyways your descritiveness is great. i really got into this one. it was a genuine love poem and not the run of the mill mushy BS i liked that. keep it up

fluidmoon 04-26-05 06:22 PM

Very well written poem here, you're vocabulary explained everything well, the feeling,you're emotion, it was on point throughout the piece....keep dropping.1

Germ 04-27-05 12:34 AM

thank y'all for the feedback......s'appreciated


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