Sand vs A2Z
 

10 lines min. 20 max
due: Thursday (get intouch with me if that wont work for your schedule. we will work it out. Also if you have problems with topics reach me.

Topic: Puberty--Weird growth of a teenage girl or boy----

in...

wow this is creepy but ok...

check

yall take forever to post .....deadline is tomorrow

yo gizmo just be patient it's probably going to be something extremely awesome

tick tock tomorrow when i wake up there better be something here.

-1-

sorry about the delay

What is happening to my feelings and body?
Can anyone explain whats happening to me?
My voice is getter deeper and my chin is getting fuzzy
Looking at girls, a feeling a little funny
Getting self concious, changing in front of guys
But wanting to change in front girls, or at least to try
To get a girl to like me, but my skin is breaking out
My armpits are getting sweaty and my mind is calling out
For attenton, to be loved, just to be acknowledge, why not praised
Trying not to feel goofy about my body, or the crotch of my pants being raised
Raging hormones tell me that I should make a move
Or should I sit and stare, drooling as I swoon
Paying more attention to my clothes and to my friends
Trying to act cool and to make the laughing end
My hunger every increases but my stomach never grows
Growing hair in stupid places, my ears and on my toes
I dont know what to think, I dont know what to do
You know what I'm talking about... dont you?

good luck .Sand.

ok verses were due by thurday and its saturday.... i think its safe to call this a no show

sorry im late....
there is an excuse...
if you need to know ask...
im posting in like 3 minutes

Puberty....

The seed meets the flower, hello how do you do
together they construct beauty inside of the the womb
they mingle and compute a mind like the universe
it thinks thoughts theorys but always secrets first
the unity unbinds from its prison and comes to earth
early emotions quickly proof, that life just really hurts
soon it grows through years passes time so sour
and at a point if its a seed it desires another flower
this goes both ways for hours months or weeks
whats evident, when maturitys grass sprouts from the cheek
believe it is evolution, an internal change a cycle
hormones desire a whores moan resistance fights you
the change is difficult if your strong enough to endure
depression and mood swings makes your heart purer
and i'm sure that if you make it through this stage your strong.
puberty is just a test God had it planned all along...


( a lot of teens commit suicide...basic point here
about what it is...a test....)

very nice drop, but the fact remains IT WAS 3 DAYS OVERDO...i think this should be a dq

if he has good reason he should advance. closed til deacon figures this out.

^^Agreed. But i guess it's up to Deacon.

Alright, my thoughts:

A2Z:
Your piece was nice and to the point. I made this particular topic to possibly bring out some humor and at times you had me laughing which is great.
"For attenton, to be loved, just to be acknowledge, why not praised
Trying not to feel goofy about my body, or the crotch of my pants being raised" AHHH the memories......LOL

Although, you gave me humor, it lacked originality. You were consistent with the whole flow of your words but i had premonitions on what would be said within the following lines of the poem. I think it was a decent written it had its moments but nothing that really caught me off guard. Imagery had its moments and i think thats what saved me from not liking this poem.Overall decent piece with an exception of a few things.If i was going to rate it 1-10 i'd give it a 5..........


Sand:
This was a great piece and you brought new light to my personal ideal on this topic. Awsome imagery and originality.. Your first couple lines really were strong and presented the poem well. The use of a bigger possibility (God/test) than just normal human growth brought alot of depth to this.......I agree human growth is a test---A test of strength from-lust-violence-superiority and soo much more---there really isn't much more i can say on this i think this poem gives us a perfect discription of it's innate meaning--nicely done----i give it a 7.5


last words:Sand will stay in the tournament because he gave a good explination and i understood his motive. Sand will also move on to round 2. Nice job to A2Z though nice piece

-1-

Yeah, i liked a lot Sand. Most definetly deserved (though of course, A22 was good too...)..

The seed meets the flower, hello how do you do
together they construct beauty inside of the the womb

^^Nicely started. Good imagery throughout.

Can i just reccomend you you use "..". Example

The seed meets the flower "hello how do you do"

And also maybe try and put the ".." at the start. Though it can also be pulled off at the end, it's usually ebtter at the front..

..anyway, just thought i'd drop a bit of constructive crit...a bit pedantic it may be..but it does make a difference in one's pieces..

..resp[..