One of the most annoying things..
 

about society and the way it shapes people, is the typical male/female relationship. It seriously causes so many problems.

Like, say you have a girlfriend. Then, whether you like it or not, you have to accept all of the extra bullshit that is attached to the "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship. Obligations, caring about certain things, doing certain things... Don't you think it's so troublesome?

Personally, I don't want somebody to be intimate with, go out to dinner with, talk to on the phone about nothing, give flowers to or whatever else. I would rather a companion who I can relate to, that is a girl. It is as if the roles boyfriend and girlfriend, created by society, are opposed. You have to "make" it work and sort out all the problems that will inevitably arise and play the role that has already been laid out for you.. Anyway, that is my meaningless thought of the day.

If you actually care about someone a lot of the bullshit comes pretty naturally dude......

I dont think theres much involved in an adult relationship thats simply from predisposed perseptions of boyfriend/girlfriend roles between two people..

What happened that caused you to think of this post?

Also a lot of the stuff you talk about, happens because either party doesn't communicate what they expect from the other.

That's always a big deal. Understand what your "spouse" EXPECTS from you so that when they get mad, you see why.

you having trouble at home with wify???
make her a plate of dinner home cook style of her favorit food and message her feet...

the rest is preety self explanatory....

if you dont know what to do after then you def aint no lover boy.. lol..

Nos: As if it does... I am saying the reason it seems to come naturally is because of the ideas we have about the gf/bf relationship. I have infinite love for my gf, but I have never had the urge to buy her a gift, or do any of the other shit she seems to want to do all the time.

The thing that caused me to think of this post was something she said. I don't remember what we were fighting about, but she was like "It makes me feel like you don't care about me, you're not acting like my bf at all." I wasn't acting like her bf. Acting. To me, that's seems exactly right. Whenever I'm doing or saying the typical bf stuff, all I'm doing is acting, saying or doing whatever it seems is the ideal thing to say/do in that situation. Shit I've seen done in popular media always works best. If I get her flowers, take her out on a nice dinner, buy her jewelery, say something "sweet", or whatever, she always tells me that she knows I love her because of that. Which is bullshit, because to me those are empty gestures that don't mean a thing. And it happens the other way round, she does all the cliche gf stuff for me expecting it to convey her love, when all I see is shallow gestures that mean nothing.

Ransum: That is what I'm saying. What kind of fool feels better just because of dinner and a massage... Nothing has been resolved. All it does is bring to light the person in question's shortsightedness.

I'm telling you man. Expectations. Voice it. Communication. Yee!


Also there's this book that I've read that talks about the most effective ways that people feel loved. There was things such as:

1) Buying Gifts
2) Spending Time
3) Saying Nice Things


Little things like that. It's important to know which way is most effective to the other party. You want that person to feel special, don't you? Well then figure it out and do it.

That's the problem with labels...period


People behave in ways they THINK they're supposed to behave instead of what's instinctive.




1

Too right, Q..



That is my problem. wtf is all that shit? I could buy gifts for, spend time with and say nice things to somebody and make them feel loved, when really I have no feelings for them whatsoever. My gf constantly buys me gifts, says nice things to me and spends time with me, but I question whether she understands love, and whether what she sees as love is shallow or not.

The reason I posted that was because the other party in the relationship must understand which way is most effective to you. And it goes the other way.

The expectations always suck because it's rare that it is ever clear to the other person. Make it clear. Say what you expect from her and in return she'll say what she expects from you. If it conflicts then you move on from there.

Nah seriously.. giving gifts to someone you love to make them happy? getting a fucken awesome meal n spending time with her at a nice resteraunt? saying nice things to her to make her smile? so far youve only said one thing that I can agree on as being a cliche predisposed media fueled trend and thats buying her flowers..

Most of the shit your talking about is just things you do to show someone their important to you...

I mean cmon.. Think about it.. Whats something sarah would really enjoy having? Think about how happy it would make her and how special it would be to her if one day out of the blue you bought it and surprised her with it..

You dont do it superficially just cause your her boyfriend......you do it cause you want to make her happy..

Whats wrong about that?

I get the feeling your more concearned with the way your girlfriend views your relationship than relationships in general...

Yeah, it would make her ecstatic if I bought her an awesome gift out of the blue. However, her happiness would be short-lived. All I want is for her to be happy, gifts and nice words can't do that.

The fact of the matter is, I could be happy without her but she thinks she needs me to be happy. Society taught her to love like that.

Bro humans have ups and downs... Innitial happyness'll be short lived, but the memory will last on..

Secondly, your talking about attachment.. Thats compleatly natural.. Even animals get attached to the company of other animals and lose happyness when their appart.. It happens with horses especially I've heard.. Obviously their not society driven feelings.. Your girlfriends just attached to you and you obviously have grown into this relationship with a different mindframe towards it.

I'll play around with attachments once I get the hang of non-attachment. For now, it bothers me.

Awww, so sweet, so romantic awwww He cares so much about his girlfriend that he wants her to be happy, not only regardless if its with him, but he prefers that it isnt, so she won't have only temporary happiness, AWWWWWWWW SO SWEEET AWWWW


OMB >>



:( sorry

If only she saw it that way lmao... I can see her reaction in my head:

".... You would be happy without me?!!?! FINE!"