((untitled))
 

an acient presence, long existing, neither of us can comprehend/ A delicate rift, so minute, but we dare not try to mend/ Exhaling a breath of a second death; releasing the first command/ Knowing no depth and swallowing life's stress; revealing a man/ dead weight shifting to life, reaching the light, again he stands/ Spread great, giving to night, preaching of plight; Within the plans//

working on shifts/ the demon and the rift/ Hell's spawn and man's gift/ as planes converge/ the demon submerged/ into his inanimate partners surge/ of darkness/ contesting on whose truly heartless/ the cavity of our chest/ torn apart with/ an eternal solid seemingly partless/and in the end i confess//

((to make up for the sori shit i dropped the other day)) -_-;;

This was about you finding God? I read through it a few times and that's the only thing I could imagine it being about. You wrote it in a different way. The slashes were kind of annoying but I guess if you wrote it by breaking the sentences up it wouldn't look right? I dunno.

Overall, I thought this was good. The way it rhymed and came together I liked. The topic and the way you wrote it was different. There's probably more to it than finding God that I missed. But I liked all that. Not bad at all, my man. Keep posting. Sorry for the dumb reply. I didn't really know what I was talking about ;)

uppin for reply....

I liked your ryme scheme alot

i thought your second verse wasent quite as strong as the first ...but you brought it on the first. I really liked it alot just seemed like your ran out of peotic steem on the second one

still a nice peice

i agree wit gonzo i was feelin the rhyme scheme too and ya 1st was alot stronger, but it wouldnt sound as good any other way i like the way u chose..

nice i was feeling it tho their wasnt any foruce mutlie or all that shit nice