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-   -   Portrait Soul - (valor Ft. Fathom This) (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=217515)

Valor 12-18-05 11:34 PM

Portrait Soul - (valor Ft. Fathom This)
 
Valor =Italics
Fathom This = Normal


Portrait Soul


An emotional argument
a child at war
who has fallen harder then
ever before.

A lonely soul
who's heart is torn
growing up cold
while left to mourn.

As sad as it sounds
the youth is fading
deamons releasing rounds
while siblings were playing.

At the end of the day
another family grieved
horrified of the way
the generation sees or believe.


Blue
Inquiry of Sorrow ,
bestowed upon me.
Incapable of happiness,
Always seem lonely.

Red
Filled with fury,
anger overcomes thee.
Becoming very Unstable,
Mentally and Emotionally.

Gray
Insecure and certifiable,
demons lurk inside.
Voices preaching evil,
Tainted to obide.

Gold
Living in infamy,
defeat all fears.
Know no agony,
shed joy's tears.

Valor 12-18-05 11:38 PM

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=216891

Po' Wit. 12-22-05 03:54 PM

Feed guys... Lets go.

No sleepin on this ish

Crossword 12-23-05 10:48 PM

as usual, inactive poetry forum. anyways.

Very nice.

First part.
Rhymed very well, and kept it smooth and fluent. Vocabulary wasn't too drastic at all, but did very well without it.

Second part.
I liked the color idea, It was good, but kept level and idnt really elevate or fall anywhere.

A smooth and emotional poem.
very nice work guys.

Po' Wit. 12-24-05 04:43 PM

thank you.

I'll be feeding some poems later on. I have to go home from work.

D.Zaster 12-26-05 12:52 PM

I thought this was dope.

As sad as it sounds
the youth is fading
deamons releasing rounds
while siblings were playing.


^^ This part put a dope image in my head, of someone like a demon firing shots upon small children. It fitted the topic perfectly.

Also i like the way you added the colors. It seperated each feeling, which i felt you did very nicely.

I also i like your rhyme scheme, mostly being ABAB. This added a nice flow to the poem which again, made it a good read.

Nice Job.

Keep It up.

Valor 01-13-06 01:25 AM

thanks upp upp.

atti? 01-13-06 03:16 PM

You must provide two fresh links to up old pieces.

atti? 01-13-06 03:16 PM

.

.

.

. . . . *Closed*


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