thoughts on my verse
 

studio gangsterism is now hittin the stage// polutin young minds in these times and days//rappin bout 9 mm and glocks that they never use// rappin bout times and hardship they never been threw//but all ya'll rappin is doin nothin but makin us sick// reall hip hop lyricis are the ones in the streets makin the hits//breakin there hips, spendin there time wisely cuz all there shit that they spit comes from the heart//but while you be killin motherfuckers// we all know it is juss in the studio// cuz you juss get blow and spitt any shit that you think flows//becommin a carbon copy not spittin what is felt//thru hip hop you can realize the real shit you wrote you can call yourselfs// but why you wanna claim that you a G?// but say what you wanna say juss dont bring that shit to me// in fact, I dont even wanna hear it// cuz the lines you spitin are wacker than your appearence// but dont fear it//cuz sooner than later everyone is gonna put your shit on clearence

needs some complexity, wordplay, flow and better formatting

it's aiiight but this is the wrong forum son.

u need better structure.

NO FLOW AT ALL, readin that i had to stop and start alot cause it was warped structure, the ryhmes and ur vocab dont seem too bad, bein gangsta has been done too much so try and put a point to it instead of just bein one

^^agreed^^

also, don't post it like that, use a new lines, it easier too read!

you need to fix your scheme try writing in strait lines and write on something other than gangster stuff

^^Yep...Structure Help Readers Want To Read It And Flow Was Off...Try 2 Make Each Line A Similar Amount Of Syllables...Helps Us 2 Read It And Get More Into It...

Also Like Xpoz'D Said...Get Off The Gangsta Shit...Mix It Up Abit...Complexity...Use Nice Punches And Original Shit...Laughs Aswell...Always Good...

Word^^^

even tho i may not b the most talented of all online emcee's i no how to battle just cant!

Peace out...no beef...

Psyco