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Alone
You walk an empty street The sound of you shoes hitting the pavement Echoes all around you You used to walk with friends But you chose to walk alone Your face tightens as the sharp blade of your knife hits your arm You refused help when people offered And you chose to walk alone People look down on you Because of the way you are They say it’s just a quite scream But to you it just relieves pain Your friends all left because you inflicted pain You had blood stains on your carpet They say they wouldn’t be surprised If you killed yourself tonight The air around you is cold And your fingers are frozen from the chill But you still wrap them Around the handle of that knife You cut your arm once again You say this is the last But then you parents piss you off And you cut again Refuse once more the help offered As you swipe the blade Acting as though it doesn’t hurt But you keep cutting relentlessly Tell me why should you walk alone When so many people want to help They offer yet you refuse Slashing at your arm You finally run for help But it seems to be to late Everyone has turned their backs And their hands are no longer there |
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I've responded to every new poem.........take a look fo urself iight Atticus?
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Ok, I have come to notice that you are one to do dramatic, gory, sorrowful and gloomy pieces. Is there something down in your life or are you just that type of writer?
The vocabulary and imagery were very nice in this piece. Nothing to complex w/ the vocab and clean, defined, vivid mental pictures running through my mind all throughout the read. Your emotion was superb. Basically because this comes from the heart and its all about emotion problems. (cutting for ex) I think the only thing that would make your piece better would be a bit bigger and more colorful vocabulary. You had some nice words in there but for the most part just small words that help get the point across but not as strong as using other words. Keep writing and working on improvments like that.. |
^^^no doubt thanx fo da feed
naw dis is a TRUE story tho:(wish it wasnt but it was uppin |
nice drop i like it why dont u battle ppl in poetry from now on. :thumbup:
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lol short but sweet Reign...thanx fo da feed.....yea not a bad idea actually
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For you C :) :
Forever embraced by the image Of this immaculant ebony evolution. Nubien nyasty with the heart Of her mother's lion... But the form of American Art. The sun rises in the east, Sets in your passiont gaze. As the day rests across the moutain range Of your empowering iris I sit, Awed in the illumination of your soul; Driving from your essance To the sunset effect of your blink. |
damn good poem fo real i thought that this was your best part
. "Your face tightens as the sharp blade of your knife hits your arm You refused help when people offered And you chose to walk alone"............pure dopeness :thumbup: . . . i look foward to your next drop keep em coming!! |
Lol. iight Atticus;)
thanx fo da feed Lyrical.. |
yea this is defintly deep i can relate i cut off every attempt of friends tryin ta do sumthin and now my parents is the only people i hang wit and shits mad lonely sometimes i wish i can just move out somewhere else where i can have tonz of homies ta be down wit..see im more of a urban kid that dont get along wit people unless they like the same shit i like and there aint much of that here...i sacrificed every friend i ever had just for rap and in alot of ways i regret that mistake but theres nuthin i can do they pretty much gone for good..those days are dead i aint got no one else ta turn to when i wanna just hang, its almost as good as being dead sometimes i wonder if anybody notices me its like if i died nobody would care and my only friends i got from rv will never know but thats how i can relate to this piece. u put passion inta this i as i can tell, ur strucuture is in perfect condition i had no diffaculty at all reading it and i understood every metaphor u put in..shows lotz of pain and i like that u a very good poet. maybe u and me can get 2gether we wont be so alone then :)....i give this a 7.5-8.5/10 keep it up
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Lol so did I earn some pictures with that poem? :)
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