tools+rules/needs+deeds
 

im so passionate to strive,i never used to have the drive,
but now i realize u need it to stay alive!
open up new paths,dont care if its cold out there i'l put on a scarf.
build a raft,dont care wot it takes,
my foot is off the brakes,my pressance is so big it gives others the shakes.
im a hunter,giv me jip i'l treat u like a football and punt ya,
i love skunk ya.jip from a bitch i'l dump ya.
im giving out rules,dont need tools,il fuck u up with words instead of bar stools.
im the rob,from those who made me sob,gotta do suning aint got a job.
my ex held me back,then i got the sack,so she went off,
i must of bin far too soft,haha now she dead rotting in me loft.
dont tell any1 im a murderer,if you diss me i better of heard of ya,or i'l be at your front door,2 fuck ur hore,kill you and kick u out the back door.

are you serious?!!!!!

Dun... this is prolly one of the most prehistoric styles i've seen in many moons.... this whole piece has gone through several stages of fossilization... you went from talking ab out your drive and how trying to "build new paths" and go straight into shit talking and rhyming just for the sake of it.... it started to make little since as you went on:

im the rob,from those who made me sob,gotta do suning aint got a job

da hell is THAT?!!!

dont tell any1 im a murderer,if you diss me i better of heard of ya,or i'l be at your front door,2 fuck ur hore,kill you and kick u out the back door

Ridiculous closer.... no focus... no message... no thought put into it at all.... if you want people to take you seriously you may wanna spend more time on your craft.... work on rhyme scheme....vocabulary... content... wordplay... consistancy... man, the whole gambit needs help.... if you can manage to scrounge up some OLD rv OM's i'd suggest that you do that and get an idea of how good some of the pieces actually were before this site went to shyt

im on the rob from those who made me sob,gotta do suning aint got a job:-
this meant that im taking my pride back in revenge from those who made we sad!the last bit meant,i have no job coz i lost it through the bitch that fucked with my head.
the other line in question,was saying i only except being dissed by people i know!
dont take things so serious,i was bored so i write sum shit down.christ i dont spend any longer then 5 mins on a rhyme:-as i dont take it seriously.

see.... you're getting a little emotional... it's just feedback... when i give feedback i do it properly.... i know what you're trying to say in the piece....

"you went from talking ab out your drive and how trying to "build new paths" and go straight into shit talking and rhyming just for the sake of it.... it started to make little since as you went on"

^^that was the point i was making^^
that is what i meant by your consistancy and focus.... for someone who doesn't "take it serious" you sure did seem a bit sour that i critiqued your piece.... no worries man, just tryna show kats what my perspective is and how they could make their stuff better... but hey, if you wanna hate me for being real with you then i can't do anything about that... omma do what i do regardless and critique peoples shyt like i always have ... fiar and unbiased.

i aint sour man,jus wanted explain wot i was saying,but like you jus said u already knew so no worries dude.plus i was jus stateing that im jus fucking around,seemed like you thought i was being for real,so its all gud cheers anyway mayne

no probs...be easy man

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