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Jealousy
Jealousy
Eyes burning with hatred like acid cos vision rates red… Research last kiss in diary and cry at what the date said… Pupil’s Iris locked on to my wrist as the minutes pass away… Digesting the bottles contents when used to be glass a day… Constantly parked parallel to entrance of house in question… Watching in dismay at their new found loving contention… Set my heart on opposite gender resulting in an organ collapse… Spirit fall like leaves when the branches reach autumn relax… Consciously view his scaled lips coress her almost perfect skin… Used to be my position now its his arms that shes lost within… Stay still, stationary trying to hold my head with elevation… Fingers clamped to my palm stopping blood from circulation… Feel frustration the anger build inside these unknown places… Uncovered ground bringing me to these un-a-tone phases…. Hate to feel this way, let jealousy control my inner emotion… Flash backs of the night I found cracks in her sinning devotion… Erosion of belief and trust, I had it close but lost for lust… This girls a must, but left my surroundings in a cloud of dust… Although I’m hurt inside with love and hate about to collide… The feelings I store within won’t drift aside like the ocean tide… Can’t stand and watch a family where the fences withstand me… Human traffic with one route but no one will understand me… ………………………………………… …………………............... With the sun pulled to the ground, only darkness not a sound… He leaves the premises reminisce on that moment n wot I found… As I see that red mist I cross from sanity to prison bound… View the corpse on the floor beaten round a vision on ground… Then it hit harder than anything to ever enter my intellect… If I love her so much, why did I choose to live in~regret… The End |
very nice piece Prem...
i really liked the amount of good imagery throughout the entire piece...i definitely got a good image of the topic after readin this...u were also consistent wit nice vocab and i liked your use of multis in several of the lines...overall, u managed to include solid material...again, nice piece dawg...keep it up |
^thanx for the support, prem... M.A.B. is a nice crew..
but uhmm this was a very touching poem, u had a very good use of imagery from start to close.. this would most def be a candidate for best Open Mic, let alone Poetry Head.. i wanted to pick my favorite lines but i couldn't the whole drop was tight.. stay up, aight pz.. |
this is the best piece i've ever read in o.m. so far.flawless..............
everything connected perfectly,like scene's from a movie.u r truely blessed wit' talent.hope to buy ur work someday. |
wow thanx dawg.....
make sure you remember that wen it comes to votin for the awards :-) uppin more feedback.... -1- |
keep it comin y'all
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weerd am feelin this ish good vocab imaginary ya know lmao had to read it like 3 times vision kinda blurred am drinkin so yea was a nice peice dawg 8/10 an thats weerd..leave feed on damn he's back that rust is shaken off me...
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lol..^^^prem this was a solid piece, opener n body of the verse was nicely done n you had great emotion in ya verse..i liked ya closer on this much more then otther om's that ive read they were good but this is better,i don't put #'s on drops usually
but this would be high if i did...! like seroiously, you keep droppin like this n you'll be in the top 2or3 best poetry heads on site....i think your already top 10...nice drop dawg.... |
thanx dawg......
-1- keep it comin |
MAB holdin it down in all categories! yo, i was definitely feeling this joint prem... i ain't even know you was into the poetry shyt like that... that's good shyt... the imagery... decent vocab, lots of emotion... got ya point across nicely, lines lead into each other... no jumping around sporadically in the drop... nice man.... real nice... (hmmm... might have to battle my own crew member one day...lol)
do ya thang dawg and keep reppin that MAB shyt! werd |
Pre ya poetry was prolly one of the nicest ones so far yet on dis site...well maybe not be atleast...It was good had some nice vocab...imagery was good...your structure was nicely done and easy to read...had emotion in it too...overall 9/10...good job...keep up tha good work...peace...
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uppin this, come on y'all don't sleep on this.............
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up up up and away................
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