Clock Ticks
 

Quick Keystyle tell me what you think :thumbup:

The gun wasnt to far from his own home
Infact for a start - it was just unda old clothes
Bein 9 in a fun mind - always has trouble in the young eyes
But the wrong line - squeaky and sayin "just one time"

So he goes around playin cops and robbers
Showin his friends - like the glocks a dollar
Wonder where the fuck is his mother and father?
They dont bother - to check there son while he wanders

Now playin Indians and Cowboys - giving stick ups
Scaring elders with such a foul toy sayin - "Bitch, what?!"
Never pulling the trigger - his mouth was the shot noise
Probably cuz he figured the gun was just a hot toy

So he goes to his room - aiming his self in the mirror
The things kids do - we need rules - to keep it clearer
Curiosity leades him to aim the gun at him self
To have a peep in the hole - where the bullets are held

Eye to Eye with the gun - and his finger slips, "Click"
The safety lock is gone - and now his life is.....
So he cocks it - "What will happen if i pull this"...-drops it
And now the blood drips - now a sons hit - now the clock ticks...

Nice...worn't call that poetry but Nice!!!
keep droppin son, nice stroy tellin,
i know of ppl who actually died doing that stupid ass shit!!!

Nice rhyme scheme, worked well..
Although this did have imagery..
Emotion was lacking quite a bit..
The whole story made sense..
But the topic is so played that its hard to think of this as an original piece..

Keep dropping..

I'm feelin tha storyline...excellent plot and u told the story in a good way. I'd have to agree with phorge o the emotion, it wasn't quite there, but that didn't break the piece, this was still a solid drop.

Overall...7.5/10

RTF on one of the poems in the sig