The Sanctuary
 

What the fuck is life, who really uses it to its full advantage and potential
Why are we even here, Hades, yes, we all fucking belong to and with you
We should all burn forever, no water or saviour to end your fucking agony
While Hades laughs, demonically, at your feeble attempts to be free
Held in fucking cages while being poked with fire covered javelins
Tortured forever, no rest, Hades enjoys the show while i sit next to him
We have come to witness the beginning, the rebirth of paradise unspoiled by mankind
We are here to eradicate all human suffering, to end the pain, to put a halt on all time
We represent what you must become, I am the one who will lead you to paradise
With blood stained hands, follow me and i will end all heart aches for the rest of ur life
The paradise which you seek is in the shadows from which you cower and hide from
Come to the darkness and the shadows and you and that which you run from will be one
Only by becoming fear and fear itself can true balance be obtained, and The Sanctuary will open

uppin for feedback.................................

upping...................................

uppin.........................

uppin............................................. ..

this was some deep stuff brother.

I liked the use of words, was a very grown up and evolved peice. The message was clear and didnt stray throughout. The flow was ok and structure was a little stretched but i think that was deliberate.

I liked it, read it thru twice and thought it ended well.

The only thing that would improve it is the line size

7/10

well done keep it up

nice piece......... flow was ok..... i think it might get mad slept on tho, cuz to be honest, it scares me....... i like the idea, it's pretty original to RV....... more of a spoken word type of thing, i was feelin it........ i'd give it a 7.5/10......... might wanna check the structure a little, dependin on where u were going w/ this.......

That's right bitch...

lol......uppin.................................

nice piece overall...but like chip said it may creep ppl out a lil.....uhm yea ur structure is WAY off so u def need to fix dat....n up on da vocab a lil