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Lyricle Disciple vs LyricleSolja
Battle Rules:
Topical:Sun Rise 16 Lines No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting My Bad Fucked Up The Other One Man Sorry Minimum posts to vote: 20 Check in by: 05-05-05 at 12:10 AM Must drop verse in 60 minutes after check in. |
Lyriclesolja has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-04-05 12:41 AM.
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8:30
. . Yo as my eyes get tired my feet make it hard to walk, I can barely step now let alone speak & talk, I see in slow motion-communication is bare, Speech all around me-the people will stare, Words surround me talk to me if you dare, Fore where i am bound-my bed i am finially there, Slowly but surely ma covers will warm, From the cold air-a hard breeze-the storm, As i slowly slip into great dreams, Filled with passed members and things, Then the dream slowly dies, And my sore eyes meet the graceful sun rise. |
Lyricle Disciple has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-04-05 01:00 AM.
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As I Lay Wide Awake Into The Break Of Don I Then Realize, The Beautiful Sun Rise, The Horizon Light Up Before My Eyes As The Sun Sweeps The Floor Room Like An Old Dusty Broom Thy Skies Light Up As My Windows Fulfill Itself With Gloom Reflection Of Orange Stain My Wall With Colors Of White Light Complexions Of Flowers Dove's Are Nice, It Keeps Getting Bright Dust On My Floor Lights Up As The Light Shines Over A Dove The Eye In The Skies Of Clouds As The Sun Reaches A-Bove The Sky And Horiz-on Appeals My Eyes And Pink Is Sligh-ten As The.....Light-in The Sun Suddenly Glooms And Bright-ens. The Amusement Seams Un--Confusing Cuzz Of The Suns Shape As I Once More Gape At The Open Gates Opening Up My Fate Isn't Ironic How The Suns Shape Is The Look Of A Girls Bottom And At The Same Time In The Cold.....It'll Still Get Hotter(Hotta) As The Space Clears There Is No Trace Of The Sun Rise Here And The Clouds Go Back, And The Gloom Of Light Dissapears |
Voted For: Lyricle Disciple
LD pretty much took this joint, his verse was alot more thought out and had more of the things that a topical joint nees. BAsically, there was better imagery which helped to paint the picture of the topic of a Sun rise. Ld's verse also flowed a lil better although ya both had some good flow. both of you should have used some metaphors or simile's though. they would have made ya verses more complex and it would have been pretty easy to do. LD's vocab was better in this battle tooo. overall=LS' ya verse was good but ya needed to add more to it. you had good flow and structure, and some potential for a nicve piece but it seeme dlike u aint follow through, so LD's wins this joint becuz his verse wa smore thorough, it had better imagery and vocab...RETURN THE FAVOR links int he sig |
I Had one Metaphore In There That's It I Don't Know If you Got It or not?
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oh nvm i see it now, the sun sweeps the floor like an old dusty broom, i forgot about that one
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Uppin.............................................
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Making This Come Back Up Again Man What's Cracking?? 50 Char
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Uppin............................................. ..
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Uppin.............................................
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uppin.............................................
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Uppign This SHit Man...........................
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uppin.............................................
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