|[. It wasn't .]|
 

It wasn't- destined to be, let it rest in the sea..
we were doomed when I saw in you the reflection of me...
to lessen the sting, I prayed and confessed it to be..
rested to breathe, and in the end chased sex as a feind...
blessed is she, a soul murdered in the second degree..
my essence is key, numb to life, so in effort to sing...
I shun my life run by fright to avoid it again..
wall off my heart so it won't get destroyed in the wind...

It wasn't- all I could do, after all i've been through..
fallin' for two, but in my dreams I keep callin' for you...
i'm lonely now, it's only how you console me now..
that holds me down from the rapture that calls my name...
it all sounds lame and insane but the pain in my brain..
exclaimin' for change strains to arrange blades to my veins..
and I try to resist, wake up from the dream findin' my fists...
at sides in a clinch, just a dream, truth I can find in the mist..

- Comments please.

It wasn't- destined to be, let it rest in the sea..
we were doomed when I saw in you the reflection of me...
to lessen the sting, I prayed and confessed it to be..
rested to breathe, and in the end chased sex as a feind...
My favorite line through out the whole thing...
blessed is she, a soul murdered in the second degree..
my essence is key, numb to life, so in effort to sing...
----^ i was feeling this entire set of words, very deep and soulful
I shun my life run by fright to avoid it again..
wall off my heart so it won't get destroyed in the wind...

It wasn't- all I could do, after all i've been through..
fallin' for two, but in my dreams I keep callin' for you...
i'm lonely now, it's only how you console me now..
that holds me down from the rapture that calls my name...
it all sounds lame and insane but the pain in my brain..
exclaimin' for change strains to arrange blades to my veins..
and I try to resist, wake up from the dream findin' my fists...
at sides in a clinch, just a dream, truth I can find in the mist..
I was feeling how it was a dream, I felt like this before.
A good read, you should do longer version's if you get a chance. But great poem.

- Comments please.


by the way...will you...umm marry me?

Thank you, Chris- for the feedback.

umm...so...about marryin me?

We will both forget you ever asked.

.....my dreams are so fucked now.....

get on MSN some more ....

It started off well, but towards the end of the first stanza it seemed as if it died down a bit....I really think your rhyme scheme hindered it a bit, but hey, it's your style, do what you want to with it. The second stanza to me was a bunch of broken cliche's, but I still liked it man..Good writing, keep it up.

Thanks for the feedback- most appreciated. Just to inform you i'm a female.

^^ this bitch is way hotter than Funfilled

ok this could either be a rap or a nice spoken word piece.the vocab is good,as is the picture you try to bring accross.the flow is good and the way it is wrote makes it easy to flow through.i didnt too much like the end and think you could have pulled something off better or maybe even worded it diffrently.it wasnt nothing great but it was good and im a hard person to impress.i give it a 7/10

"Falling for two"

My favorite words this is a dope piece the multies and flow were real nice i can feel the emotions behind it. Keep it up. And if your as cute as they say drop in the mugshots