i miss you
 

Your so far away
i without the you cannot see
i left without the words good bye
All i see is you in every picture unpainted
Now the time is movin slow its not great
the missing of you is tough i fall and break


No nuthin will make this go away
here without you no open doors to go through
Eventhough this might be the last i take
the best i did makes me not yet a men
Yet so far your close in many ways

To many days left for us to face to face
i whisper the words the wind does take
this dream is not real yet so fake
the days have come i miss you still//

I miss You--RHYMES

This piece was alright, i liked the first couple of lines, towards the end you started switching words around, sometoimes that works but it made the piece sort of confusing, and you changed rhymes schemes, that messed up the flow
but i do like the message here
keep elevatin
keep writin

good peice, i think oyu cold elavate in some areas....not that you have to...but it was like you held back from som things that you wanted to say...no what i mena...but all in all this was agreat drop, a lot of emotion...i just felt you still kept some things inside that should have been said to make this remarkable above what it is...na'mean pz homie

I agree wit rule, it did seem like u held back on some things. Had madd emotion comin out of it and it was heartfelt. I kno wut its like to miss someone a lot. Overall great read. Structure and scheme coulda used a lil work, seein u used a scheme then ya didnt. Much respect. not hatin

t'was good.
I really appreciated the uncapitalized i's... good technical aspect there.
some punctuation would've been nice but I'd like to assume it was left out for a reason.
'men' should be 'man'
other than that good job.
.peace.

Like Philo, I noticed the uncapitalized i's also... and indeed, it gave the piece a humble feeling. Like no fancy schmancy here, just simple emotion.
The word usage was unusual, but for me, it worked.. I liked it.
Nice write Rhymes.

thank you all for your feed back.......

it means alote to me

















peace