[pre]Koalatee vs Speeches Blunt
 

Verses Due: Saturday, January 24th 2004
Voting Ends: Monday, January 26th 2004

Topic: Lost In Translation

word- goodluck koala` .
shall be a good one.

Koala, the. .

Quick Reminder: You still have to vote on 3 other battles
Edit your votes into your check in

An excerpt from the diary of a Johnson, Micki .

' It wasn't planned. . Yet, it halted movement in its session
& proved that translation had become a lucrative profession
Agencies were to unite - creating passion that was sure to be . .
A force that would preside over matters of national security
It's been over two years since we fell like tumbling Romans
Two years since I've experienced an ever-humbling moment. .
Twenty-four months since life hit 'reset' with my patience
As we took another giant step to defining Westernization
Ninth grade - my time being spent clapping and boastin'
I didn't give a damn about news; even laughed at the notion
Of CNN being commonplace; & realizing the faults of our era
& most importantly, the existance of a ' Geraldo Rivera '
^ Incessant flashbacks gone, I snoozed in a thick abyss
Unaware these events provided an excuse for the ignorant
To voice their loud - mouthed opinions . . . . . . . . . :rolleyes: '
An abrupt ending to the note - but the fact remains the same
Induced by not a change of heart, but a tactful change of brain



CIA & FBI . . . Agencies chock-full of haughty sensations
Expected never to succumb to the lure of a faulty translation
Micki entered hell's gates - a place usually home to neat skies
He trekked across a barren Wall St. & the Lower East side. .
Pressed on unforgiving chain-links; his rear mounted on trouble
His eyes appeared to fear the reality of the insurmountable rubble
Scanning it all - monotony. . Alone, the site fed satanic sins
But Micki avoided the thoughs, whilst his head began to spin
Something was glowing; seemingly something citing the past
& serving as a quintessential flashlight that was lighting his path
Jumping the fence, the onlookers' faces looked pallad and white
But, Micki had to find some sort of way to salvage his light
On bended knee, he looked on; and heard the faintest screech
As his brain was drained of strength and finally escaped his reach
Amongst the pillars & cement of an accident embossed in our nation
Micki developed a new mind; for the former was lost in translation

silently I lie shivering, quivering words of misery - missin and
where's all the life that she put living in? i'm interested in
why I miss so much more when it's all gone
I hate it.
it's fazing that I'm estated to a moment of patience
i can't keep waiting - i can't handle this situation, infact
it was more of a job
and my tool belt was unstrapped
to tie the knot and bind the plot, but fuck it's nothing
i can remember when happiness was touching -
or something, but who knows; i'm shameless just blaming
my consciece for over painting the tainted
hanging
onto a rop with a thread of hope and my hands were slipping
the climax is missing; my tears are beyond their drizzling
i wasn't worth it - neither was it, itself - how could I have
thought it was something
fuck it, i'll only get mad
i was influcutuated; i wont deny it wasn't mandating enough
i was young confused
and for sure-
lost in the translation of love

G Hod-I really enjoyed this piece. It was cool...it seemed like two different piece stuck together. This is so hard to critique. fuck. There was no emotion at all. I hated that about it. Micki didn't seem to have any feelings about any of what was going on, and that was just a pain in the ass. I liked how you worked the topic in.

very nice indeed. I think I misunderstood the message you were conveying overall though.

Termz-where G Hod lacked emotion, it seemed that your piece had so much that it lacked rational thought. Your wordplay was phenominal. I am still trying to understand what the translation of love is though.

v/termz

the decyphering or understanding of love.

thought i agree with you maven on an emotion side of things.. I dont think
that speeches really had everything he needed to pull over Hod here. Im not
saying that it was bad, because it wasn't.. yet lacked information and on the
creative sides of things, i think koaltee edged you out here.

Koal..
It was a good piece and the fluency of the words had me grabbed into the
peice you told. It put things into perspective and you ended your piece nicely

Termz..
another good piece.. yet sometimes the structure of it lacked into me following.
I was trying harder to get locked onto the structure (rhyme scheme) than i
was trying to get hooked onto the story. Although when i did, it portrayed a
different side of the topic which was good to see.. just not taking hod here

v/ Koaltee

Koalatees verse..was extremely dope..vocabulary was extremely well used..
Interesting on how you approached it..but I jsut don't know..
I was reading..and jsut couldn't get interested into it...
It seemed..cold..like..emotion was not there..
It was like..you were jsut saying this without really caring..
But that's jsut what I thought..dope piece though in all honesty..

Speeches verse..Vocab didn't really touch Jihad..pretty obvious..
But you made it interesting..with dope wordplay..and basically emotion..
This piece wasn't technically better..but I felt it more...
It capitaved my mind so to say...but this was very very close..
hard for me to decide..but my vote goes with Speeches...

Koala boy came nice with the first verse, second i didnt appreciate as much actually .. the vocabulary was one of its stronger points, though the depth didnt really seem to be there to take this piece to its full potential.

Termz killed it with the imagery .. right of the bat i got into his take, nicely worded, writers voice actually got better as the piece went on, nice transition to carry the piece .. wordplay helped, a lot! Ended quite abruptly i felt, but none the less a good piece. Well written.

Id say Speeches Blunt did enough to edge this. Nice match up. = D

Nyce drops.....solid battle,....hard decision.....i lyke how koalatee used "quintessential" in his verse.....lol, you know that means "Typical" right.....lmao, tha breakdown:

Koalatees: Rhyme Scheme- 9, story- 7, flow- 7, total- 23

I lyked tha way you used tha mutlies...it was a solid verse, but you also gotta realize that tellin a good story carries tha most weight, you need to be more explanatory so your verse comes across straight....big words aren't as significant as story tellin in this league, but i give you props on a solid drop

Speeches blunt- rhyme scheme- 7.5, story- 8, flow-8, total- 23.5

I personally hated your structure, you had a bunch of rhymes strung together in one sentence....which really helped tha flow, but your bar length was incredably inconsistant, work on that.........try elevatin your diction, your drop was mad short too.....if you would have expanded your idea you easily would have taken this battle, but i give you props on bringin your point across and tellin a story............

this is a hard decision....but once again its a story tellin league....givin it to speeches blunt.............no hard feelin's, may tha best man win, peace, 1
p.s. go vote on my ish...........

thanks for the votes, and ^ my bar length is nothing. Flow matters, and my bar length is cut due to my structure of my verse. it's just unique, so don't blame stuff on my bar length, thanks.

I accidently edited the post when i was trying to quote.
the disadvantages of mod power.
he basically shot down writing with emotion, congratualted termz and told key low that he didn't misuse a word that I am not sure how to spell.

my apologies, koalatee.
-Shavin Maven

not hatin Koalatee...........but i saw a poster tha otha day with tha words "A Quintessential Thriller"................<--- lol, thats retarder, why advertise sumthin that is typical........why even make up larger words that just mean typical.....and no you didnt use it in tha wrong context, i hate pointless words, peace, 1