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~* The Past....And The Present *~
~* The Past*~ We was together 1 year and 6 months We used to be love but I guess happiness wasn’t fa us We argued and fought every day I’m still askin my self why I stayed I stayed until the time ya laid a hand on me You promised me on day 1 that ya would never hit me But I guess ya don’t remember because you did the opposite You even bought me an $800 bracelet Then you askin me why I left you There was no way I could stay with you after all we been through Once I started high school year All the fightin got worse it became some tears I couldn’t take the controlling and abuse Getting through to you was no use I had to leave, it was un healthy I’ve had issues wit me bein not hungry I went from being 110 to being 92 That aint my grade average I’m talking bout my weight which was caused by you I broke away afta all the pain It was new feelin for me, I didn’t have the feelin of restrain I took some time off from boys People telling me to forget you like a background noise I aint gon’ lie I still love you But there no way that there gon’ be a two Afta some time I found someone new I knew he was the type to stay true He was dedicated from day one From then on I knew our relationship was done ~* The Present *~ Me and mah baby been in love for almost a year We’ve been through hell and back wit a couple of tears And in the process I realized you found the true me I found the true you we got the compatable personality Let me explain a compel of things My love for him blossoms like a flower that sings Every time I think of you my body becomes light Like an angel gave me wings but it’s your love givin me flight I’d fight for you, die for you, always there to ride wit you Fly any land, swim any sea to be wit you Baby we’ve been through a lot but to live I need you |
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I wont get deep into coz Im tired but like it. Its got good emotion and you stick well to concept and feelings. you just need to be more creative with whats going on. you really speed through it in each lines so theres always something new going on. drop a line on like the setting or something. make like a story and try to get the readers really into it and it'll be hot. 1
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yea and like dont use slang n shit fuckes it up for real. |
Uhhmmm....the wording could really be better and honestly so could the emotion i wasn't really feeling it, vocabulary was basic structure and syllable count could really use some working on also, plus the imagry was so so, other then that you did ok not very fond of this piece but you kept to the topic at least, keep trying you'll get better in time
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