Week 1: MONKEY BARZ vs. bobericc_lyrics
 

checking...........

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Behind the Lines

I don't know why I took TIME TA JUST TRAIN now I'm here and all I do is CRY WHEN I AIM and watch ppl DIE ON DIS PLAIN, so I'm SUCKEN DIS BEER SINCE my PUDDLES N TEARS DRENCH,/

while I'm JOTTIN DIS NOTE DOWN wiaten for my time, I'm PROLLY GON GO NOW, they won't TAKE ME ALIVE DEN and LATLEY DIS TYRANT got me thinken MAYBE I'M HIGH BENT and GREATLY I CRY WHEN/

I think about all da PEOPLE I KILLED wit this horrorific EVIL INSTILLED and my LITER/LEADER IS CHILLED like BOTTLES OF COKE and smoke up the SOGGIEST DOPE and survive? naw PROLLY I WON'T/

the TOOLIES ARE LEAKIN protect myself while they MOVIN N CREEPIN they can capture me and TRY TA BREAK ME DOWN I know too much WHY ERASE ME NOW? I CRY N MAKE A FROWN just take me to dis ALTER PLACE I FOUND/

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3259201 link

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post3259315 my second link

Moving Mountains


I can move a mountain, when the final hour is, your powerless..
no cheap thrills, these hills never bow or bend to the howling winds
talking wins with a hard defense, earthly possessions are new to claim
as fields grew with greens, mountains moved my way to a loosened cage
of barriers that are soon to break, while I had grown a little in astucity
literally lost everything, my cousin showed me the meadow of prosperity
I was in the middle of skillful telepathy, seems I was being undecided
underlying demons that creep in my seeking of -whys meaning underived
and uninspiring?.. ice and fire spins in my stone heart, enclosed spot
so dark, but I'm never close to death when I enhance my soul's spark
taught the untold arts, I'm shaping shifter, earth quakes and fissures
from forces beyond your imagination, feeling to me, faintly shivers..

12 for 12...

Monkey-you dont need to capitalize your rhymes like that. People
can see by reading your writing that you've got a good rhyme scheme.
Great multi usage, but you got to get more indepth when your writing
a topical. Its not just about the rhymes, create more imagery. The feeling
is there, you've got good potential with topical verses. i can see it, just
look more into understanding the idea of this. And using the ability to make
words be seen by what your saying. up your vocabulary as well, it needs to
be more complex.


bob-my nigga, whats good lol. this wasn't bad, it was rather short. but i see
as well as you did. That you didnt need to do too much, normally something dope
like this would have turned out great had you extended it. But on this particular
piece i was feeling the way it ended. The shortness actually brought the story line
out more. I think you had great imagery. Your scheme was great as well. good multi
usage, vocabulary was nice. overall good job


v/bob by a land slide

rtf
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...868#post3258868

i thought bob took it to another place outside this mortal spectrum and i give it to him .....but barz flow was a little loose i kinda felt pulled this way and that way over all yall both brought your A game :thumbup:

I have bob taking this with ease...monkey you need to structure it line for line not paragraph for an easier more read for the readers nah mean... also your whole putting it like a text battle shit is out of place try to just write it ou homie with correct spellin and a better slang if need be homie... but i understood your story and it was nice but your flow was a bit off nah mean.. bob was more direct with what he wanted to go about on the creativity tip so yea man...

^ werd lol my bad I'll stop cappin my shit good looks

up over closed.

MOnkey, your verse was cool I got your message but it wasn't as deep as I was hoping, and your structure and use of slang really took away from it in my opinion, I think with some rewording it could have been a lot better.

Bob, I was diggin this, vocab was cool wich made it read better, your message was nice and the way you delivered it wasw too. A few spots were a little weak and forced but mostly it was really well done..


vote bob

Line Limit 16-50

Neither followed rules, I won't DQ this week, but starting next week it will be an auto loss.

Well, cleary bob won this.

I enjoy your marijuana induced pieces bob.
When i'm baked I love reading your shit.
Always enjoyable.

Monkey bars, try to simplify your structure to ensure
people will consider reading your verse.