~~I'm Sorry~~
 

Aye, split up with my girl yesterday on our 9 month ish over some real stoopid ish, I ended it, then felt the pain... We kinda contemplating if its gonna happen... Jus wrote this, some places you may not understand cos its personal but I do want critique and if its heartfelt, let me know...

* Smooth - Why you hang up on me? *
* Nav - cos you were annoying the fucc outta me... *
* Smooth - What! in that case, its over, Peez, One *
* B E E E E E E E E E E E E E E P (phone going dead) *

I done something wrong so I wrote you a song...
Explaining the story, why I tore you from me,
Every tear, thought and emotion put through,
Ive missed you, only been grasping the tissue...
Beautiful, its official, it feels amazing to kiss you...

I hung up the phone, thinking yeh shes been shown,
Then felt the un-noticed clutter that uttered my tone,
Whispers left my hope, shivering in clouds of cold,
It figured why I dissolved my knees and emotion showed,
Released the swept tear that speared through my soul,
Nav, I never felt such a fear of losing you the most,
I pushed you away, prayed it a hoax measure to motion,
Shamed the woes, left me in effort, breathless and broken,
Couldnt feel a human sigh to a word that was spoken,
Eyes open, failing to blink suddenly I closed them,
The last 9 months has been the rope when, I needed to climb,
Felt complete restless in my mind, exhaling to think why,
I caused the pain that had stricken my life and the price,
It was such a suprise, guilty on causing you hurt and strife,
And for ties, instead of swallowing my pride, I cried hate,
I made the mistake, I know whos the front, whos the fake,
Thinking never to kiss your lips again and that I could take,
Forever, even one day I'm misplaced, to the lakes I walked,
Mile upon mile, wanting to see the smile that makes mine born,
Hear you talk, every memory fluttered my stomach more,
Deeply I was torn on one thought, smelly reception at college,
Remember on the phone lately we joked about what if,
We would visit again not to learn about logic, still feeling horrid,
I know this blizzard will end, and Imma learn from it, then,
I read all ten messages to acknowledge my promise,
Wanting to show you I mean when I say "I need you to stay",
After the call, I got on my knees to pray, tears poured free,
And said "Please dont take my baby from me, im so sorry",
Since that day I've done nothing but worry, your my hubby,
And im your lion, your monkey too, your RhetoriX, sundae cute,
and your 1 emcee Smooth, your my Nav Imma always love you...

I done something wrong so I wrote you a song...
Explaining the story, why I tore you from me,
Every tear, thought and emotion put through,
Ive missed you, only been grasping the tissue...
Beautiful, its official, it feels amazing to kiss you...

Thanks and appreciated for reading, HOLLA...

Peez...

that was gud toaching but hollla @ mine sum shit on my chest

ey sorry rhetorix bout this. nice drop plenty o emotional content in it and since its comin from ya heart its sorta difficult to criticise. anyway hope shit works out for ya and check mine ninja philosophy (lol wat a turn around from broken hearts to ninjas) aight peace

yo
 

nice piece it was sum deep ish i feel where ur coming from but this kinda sounded like more of a poem to me but its jus ur feelings good shit tho keep it up

this piece was good.. ..sounds like its more of a spoken-word poem but tha emotion was felt one tha less.. ..

"It figured why I dissolved my knees and emotion showed,
Released the swept tear that speared through my soul,
Nav, I never felt such a fear of losing you the most,
I pushed you away, prayed it a hoax measure to motion,
Shamed the woes, left me in effort, breathless and broken,
Couldnt feel a human sigh to a word that was spoken,"

my favorite lines, i was feelin tha hook too.. ..good shit, keep ya head up


¤DoS¤

Thanks and appreciated, yeh its suppose to be like a poem its soft, for the female... I wanted to know if its heartfelt, keep em coming... Thanks again, UPPING...

Peez...

Damn..I was really feelin this piece a lot..You trasnferred your emotions really well to the reader..Just your wording within bars was immaculate..it all sounded so good..really well written piece...If I was that girl, no matter what you had done to make me angry, I would have to find it somewhere in me to give you another chance after reading this..sweetness n realness to a rhyme..feelin it...much propz..stay up n keep blessin us.
peace.