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Rose Petals Fall
Sit And Concieve The Tears I Conceal Within My Hinderin Eyes.
Blink To Shed And Ripped To Shred As I Expose A Slitherin Cry. Disfigured Inside, My Tears Dance In An Untterly Fashion. Two Roads Departed To Leave A Detour To Emotional Clasin. Clouds Gather To Clense The Buried Memories Held In Bond. A Crackin Flame Vanishes For The Spark It Held Is Gone. And The Emotions Left In Notes, Love Witheld In Fresh Roses Is Burned To Ashes. The Ashes Throwed And No Has Noticed. Birds Chirp And A Song Fills The Breeze To Convay The Fields Of A Darkened World Were Emotions Are Hindered And Kneeled, So While The Roses Shed The Petals And The Thorns Are Revealed. The Love Portrayed Is Caged And Forever Will Be Concealed And Rains Showers The Shadows Of Love Left In The Trails. Although Seperated, A Spark Til Lingers, Sculpturin Another Love So While This One Has Departed..... ........A Rose Petal Falls And Brings A Tear Of Emotion From The Sky's Above. Quote:
His First Reponse When I Showed This To Him On Msn. And Yessir I Am....! Now Give Me Feedback! |
lol
nice shit the tech especially So While This One Has Departed..... ........A Rose Petal Falls And Brings A Tear Of Emotion From The Sky's Above. |
thanks for the feedback homie.............uppin for more feedback
feedback to... sho's catching tears http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=224406 |
yo dis shit was tight but was dis pose 2 b3 like a sick poem or sumthin but it was good k33p it up b sure 2 leave me f33d n ill do da sam3 4 u
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ok and stop using numbers like that
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Yo this was pretty dope right here. I was really feeling this. Nice concept had a nice flow to it. My favorite line was the last one even thought it felt abit stretch. But maybe its the way you say it. But still this was some dope poetry right here. Anyways i give this one a 8.5/10.
RTF on my OM thats linked in my sig Stay Up Homie |
yeah, you owe another link.
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i actually liked this a lot here, the metaphorical fashion was genius...and possibly as relevant as it can possibly be, the concept overall was beautiful..however....about half of your imagery wasn't very great, and thats because your adjectives didn't seem to be very strong connecting with the topic...also, the rhyme scheme was a little elementary....and you might have done that on purpose..but i personally like to see a more complex rhyme scheme..this was good however....i'd give it a 8/10....great work
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lol you gave feed on the wrong one Tech Lol..........U I wanted you to give feed on the Remix. I wish i could delete the original. But ohwell its all good. preciate da feed
~1~ |
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thanks for the feedback ya'll...................
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This was really good man. I loved the concept, flow was real nice and the vocab was cool. I know u can up ur rhyme scheme much more, so i aint even gonna get at u for that. Overall man this was real dope. Favorite bar was:
Although Seperated, A Spark Til Lingers, Sculpturin Another Love So While This One Has Departed..... ........A Rose Petal Falls And Brings A Tear Of Emotion From The Sky's Above. ^^Im defenitely feelin that bar man, great stuff man. Keep it up. Please rtf on anything in my sig. Thanks and Peace. |
aight, i think i've hit up 95% of that stuff in your sig....lol, but i'll check to see......thanks for the feedback
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uppin for more feedback
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thius wazz tite.. i liked the complexity n vocab famz.. keep doin it
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