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Pawns
Pawns
Soldiers form 2 ranks from horizon to horizon The 1st wave of attack: some maniacal enterprising It's a 6 step programme to get each to the finish Ascend in social status or sidestep and diminish Behind them rest authority figures; some quote scriptures Others claim royal blood & flaunt siguls to fool the witless We march, all of us, to our opposite numbers As if our hands are tied with the blades we switch under Starting at a sprint but fatigue grows quickly Black and white becomes grey as my brothers flow with me We halt at the epicentre; stand face to face My negative clone here to embrace with hate While a self-proclaimed king stands guarded at the back Ordering every element harder to attack A spiteful individual, waves his crown if we're winning But if the coward loses he tears his army down with him So now all we see is disgrace in his eyes Looking at any one of 64 places to hide The revolution starts, the social structure is torn Black and white unite: behold the dawn of the pawns http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249826 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249828 |
poetry
but eh it was ok thanks for sharing g |
Wow, ok.
This was a TOPICAL piece, not poetry, and that was a shockingly bad review from someone with 5000+ posts on this board. When you reply to an open mic, you're supposed to comment on things like the topic, the vocab, the imagery and the rhyme scheme. Otherwise you're basically just typing generic statments and leaving no constructive criticism. Do you do this often? And don't let MY post count fool you fella, go to rapbattles.com and have a look around. |
Imagery!! Love it. Very quick short peice, but I feel you told a solid, decent story in a small amount of bars.
Creativitys cool, vocabs ok. I enjoyed the quick read. Decent peice bro. |
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okay first off it is an open mic. Notice the rhyming at the end. Second, if i see you posting like this again in either this forum or PS you will bw fucking banned. This isnt the first time ive seen you doing shit like this and its because of people like you these forums are dead. Post something constructive or fuck off and dont post. Okay now on with the feed. Sorry johnny johnny my boy- this was pretty good. I liked the vibe i got while reading this. For some reason some of your line remonded me of lupe fiasco. While i was reading this i heard myself inside my head sounding like lupe with the accent. Shit was dope. Imagery was your strong point and your emotion was alright. Vocab was good aswell although i did see one gramer error but ohwell. All in all good piece mate. Keep it up. And if you didnt know 2v is well was twizted from rb lol |
it rhymed REALLY good was very complex and i liked the flow didnt really go off point. not too long but not too short i thought the concept could be made a lil more evident at first i thought the concept was gonna be boring but it was decent. keep it up and return the fav on my shit its only one up so you'll know which one
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Johnny 6 feet I know about you and your topical monster concept that deliever like none other....
Ok enuff of that... The flow was decent to me it seem a bit off maybe it sound a lot better on audio or maybe I didn't flow it right while reading but decent, vocab was good as exspected and the concept was different to me so I didn't think it was good and I thought you was going to come at this different but the way you approuch this potic and the depth of it was excellet and well creative and I was impress good job I gotta ask what do you be smoking or thinking off when you do these topicals??? The image was good the rest was perfect.... Like I said the only thing I found a bit funny or bad or lacking was the flow as I read it so I would like to hear it in audio fourm but none the less 9.5 outta 10 most def for this short pieces that had a lot details in it.... Rtf.... My drops are more diss-like instead of topic focus... But I will def hit this up with some shit in the near future for you to see... Stay up 1... |
very good, as a military memeber my self alot of it is true if you think about it... they way u said it is a very interesting way to look at it... and your right, this piece was very good, had a good imagery... and i like the wording you put into it as well... nice vocab here and there... first few lines reeled me in to it... good job fam. keep postin.
9/10. |
What's good J6 its XM lol good shit as usual never expect less from you bro can't really speak on most since i believe i feed this on RB already lol
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Johnny 6-feet, this was one of the best pieces I've seen thus far in the Open Mic Section. The creativity and word usage was done to perfection and your passage really had great entertainment value....
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This was aight. Kind of mediocre piece of poetry. Thanks for sharing.
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you fucking fairy. |
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