dont know title (READ AND TELL ME WHAT U THINK)
 

pulled under into a sea
of disbelief and suicidal reasoning
weighed down by my love for you
and knowing that it will never be relayed back to me
no longer able to hold my air of hope
for my lungs will surely explode
my will is lost as i suck in water
which sends death thought my veins,
dispare chokes my brain,
devoured by hate and rejection,
cut by your words,
no doubt these are my final moments
no longer craving death
but now its too late

Jesus save me
i know you are in my heart
but i have buried you under my burdens
and you have been shut out by my pain
and still i call on you to save me

3 my eyes widen as i see my life pulled from me

2 what have i done this is a mistake i am too young to die

1 a hand grabs me pulling me to the surface

now my weight is tied to Jesus
and my pain rests upon his shoulders
the fluid is cast out of my lungs as evil was from heaven
hope again resides in my lungs
and now i thank u Jesus
for when i fall and am drowning
you reach down and pull me up
and breath hope into me

kid donovan

My thoughts on this one are...I like it. Real uplifting and hopefull. And it's always nice to see someone finding God.

What I thought was good about this was how you structured it. How you told a story of going from bad to calling out for help and getting it. That first stanza was really good. It drew me into your writing by explaining in pretty good detail how bad you felt and how close to death you were. Then you go to asking for help from Jesus. I also liked how you said where you put Jesus.

"but i have buried you under my burdens
and you have been shut out by my pain"

I do the same stuff and then ask for help too. Then you do this countdown to death thing and at 1 you get the help you been asking for. After you got that help you show the new hope you have by saying you're not burdened anymore. Have I said this was good yet? If not, this is good. Topics like this can never be wrote about too much. Keep posting.

I truley liked this piece. I agree how it's good to see someone finding the Lord, nothings better than that if you ask me.
As for the poem, I also like the story format, it gave the reader a front row seat in the situations you were experiencing. This was a real nice piece. Inspiring.
I felt it, keep writin