|
Champ Match: (C) Jonathon (3-0) vs. Mariah (3-0)
Week 4 Ok people its week for now....1 more week pass and we can begin ranking to see how you guys fair off in the playoffs there is 18 of you but only 16 can get in so two members will not make it...so lets hope its not you. ok this is the champ match. so both bring it all baby!...and please..not crying lmfao...good luck! Battles up: April 29 Verses Due: May 4th This week is something new. its PICTURE WEEK YAY! Your picture of the week is...  :thumbup: |
Yup yup, check.. this should be good mariah. Try this time, please. I want you to, beat me.
|
Oh shoot! It's on like Donkey Kong! This picture is gay :)
|
Love on the Beach On a brisk day the trees sway But on this day it was different For I never knew such… …A love as this Cries of sorrow…parch my flaming tongue As I crush and dispute such amazing love From autumn to amber and black to ashes Eyes of angels weave in a demon’s lashes Seize this passion, then let free your soul Weak minds, weak love, forget being bold A gutless fool I never looked back for help The pit was the depth of me, black as Hell With plans to escape, but shocked pale, for I hoped to do this on my own; I’m a failure Such a requiem in sepia I never dreamed the polaroid Would be so clear to me… …On this day But take my hand; lead me on the right path Without help with mistakes, I still might have Completed them and been dead in an instant Drowning in black pool never seemed realistic Until this very moment, the ocean swallows me And the light through you is the one I follow see So call on me and take my pains and bury them God’s embodiment and I now are sharing death Nobody, but you know Father and its scaring me Those footsteps weren’t mine …they’re yours when you carried me Picture painted as atheist But Christianity is truth Expect the unexpected Or it’ll happen to you |
"Follow My Footsteps" - Jonathon
A young man, standing at the rough age of ten Reflections off the water shine back on him then. He promised he'd teach his seeded breed other, But under the influence of Jack, he acted southern. "Daddy - Please! Daddy - Don't! Hunny - Stop!" Screams heard from a distance, along with a pop A thud - and she dropped to the ground in pain Tears of blood soon began to sound into a rain "Shut up and get over it", and Daddy didn't care They say that knowledge is the cause of grey hair The rumor was true, Daddy was the best ever He told me he love me, no matter what errors He made, it would all change and it was for better But I couldn't reason in my mind, how he let her Cry in front of his eyes, while he's screaming lies And watch her whither away... Within days, she dies. "Grown older, past in the rear view, over my shoulder Removing the thoughts was like budging a boulder. It was there, it didn't help, but it couldn't change, Looking back on it now, it just seems kind of strange. Those days were not the best, and I don't miss them My mother I long for; and my father... forget him. I'm a married man, responsibilities on my hands Anger management only comes out in strands. Contain my inner rage, but it comes out of its cage Drunken actions blast facts and feelings off of the stage. Not knowing what happened from night to night Or how many times we've argued or started a fight" "As a night or two of pleasure becomes new life I try to stay beside my baby, inside my wife. And I remember those times from when I was little It seems so surreal - following footsteps, a riddle?" "I hear my fathers voice, my mind is speaking to me I close my eyes - and only blinking... to see. My son turn out like a miniature me, this can't be, I promised to myself I would live my life happily. My fathers footsteps blinded my sight from what’s right, Now knowing - my spine shivers, a quick vision of fright; Changes to a warm feeling in my soul I savor with delight. Making my natural high, at the park with my son & his kite." "My life changes, my wages differ - away from my liver. I'm living life to the fullest, just me & my son, without liquor. My visions are thicker, better sights are coming quicker, The heart in my chest loves the child so much it flickers. I would risk my world for this kid, fix any problem he has I will do anything to be a better dad than I had." And then... All of a sudden situations change drastically Remembering words he once said sarcastically "I would risk my world for this kid" After school he picks his son up, and on the way home They'd stop by the bank, as he lends him a comb. "Fix your hair son; I'll be back in a second, stay here" So he walks into the bank - with his son watching the rear. His son hears a knock on the window, and he glances "Kid, give me the keys to your car, no more chances" His dad looks back, and sees the man in the mask, He runs as hard as he could, with one thing on task. The man pulled the trigger, dropped him in one shot As his son watches his dad die in that parking lot. The cops’ arrive, soon but the murderer got away They question the kid, as he watches his father decay They couldn't find prints, so they guessed he was gloved And they asked the kid why his dad risked his life... His reply was... "Because I was loved..." By Jonathon. |
v/jon
Will put the explanation in later |
Mariah- It was a tad bit short, BUT the storyline was great. The flow and emotion are always shown throughout your pieces and it was no surprise here. This was not the best you've ever done, but it was a nice piece. I loved the wording in the first stanza, it was good. Overall, nice job.
Jon- You also did a nice job, BUT I didn't like how you put every section in quotes. OK when I read a topical/poetry battle, I don't expect it to be a conversation the whole time, that's not the point in my eyes. So I couldn't really get into it a whole bunch, but you didd have a decent storyline to go with it. Overall, not as good as Mariah to be honest. v/Mariah, good champ match. |
dude..
I'm not trying to bitch, for real. But I do not think its fair to vote in your sister's battle. So I need that vote overruled. Just DQ that, please. Because for all we know, it could be mariah or some shit, not trying to be a snitch or a whatever, but I'm saying, same IP, same household, brother/sisterly love... Not dickriding because that would be insest. But yeah, so please DQ that. 1-0. Uppin. |
V/ Mariah...
I can explain fully if you want, but basically, both had dope verses. I am voting for Mariah because I feel that her verse was a better representation of the picture. This IS picture week, after all. It may have been different if the picture wasn't involved, but I dunno. |
Ok I guess.
1-1 get at least 3 more votes. |
Both verses were great.
Mariah had some very nice imagery, but it was a tad short. Vocabulary was decent, and the flow was good. Jonathon, you're verse seemed a little more down to earth. You actually were closer with the character, there fore displaying more emotion. You're vocabulary was not as good, but I thought you pulled out with the best verse. Vote- Jonathon Great match up though. |
Ah, I agree. This was a great battle from the both of you kids. I felt like both of you brought different styles and needed elements to the table - and it came down to the reader's choice, not the technicalities of all the parts of a good piece.. I guess it just depends on the reader but I think that Mariah took this one for her outstanding flow and her solid and tight piece. Jonathon had a little more storyline strong piece, but it was a little simple in parts. Mariah took this one, and I felt she did the better job in this case.
Vote : Mariah |
Mariah wins, 3-2.
Mariah (4-0) - Jonathon (3-1) |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:39 AM. |