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Daemon Vs. The Revelation
Rules Topic: Mind of a Soldier Check-In's Due Wednesday Verses Due Friday Votes Due Sunday 3-0 is a K.O. ~Good Luck to the Both of You.~ |
Dang, I have to eliminate Daemon so soon? ;)
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we shall meet at the finals ;) Sean against Sean ;) word
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It's funny how you say that...yet, who was the successful defender of the topical heavyweight title, hoe? :D
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I've used this topic like five times, by the way. Could we use something else, Rev? I don't care what.
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Sounds good to me.
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Extension needed till Saturday.
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You have until midnight, Rev.
Listen through the trenches to those in the bullets in a cycle, our thoughts are spinning winds that sing through the spiral. The cannons remain in idle, we dance to sounds of a rifle, Stay steady through those trials, and saunter through the aisles. Flash your badge for bravery and show the clerks your job, and speak your stories loudly, the tales of surviving frost. We cross the cost but that's not the reasons we exhaust. It's because with every missing bullet, another soul is lost. _____________ He'd mumble a response, thinking of his survivial's chance, humbly running his digits through his hair and staining his hands. The man in uniform saw the grease and spoke of the lands... America...it's a place with big boulders and even rock bands. The clerk nodded in confusion, then shrugged to the bag boy, as the man took a washcloth and labelled it an authentic 'rag toy'. He thought of the soldiers who were dismissed from wars. They both thought our main man still would reminesce of gore. "You know, we only accept people who are still part of the force," he called to the crazed man, a soldier no longer in the corps. "How dare you so rudely address a man from doomsday's shores!" "Sir, that was sixty years ago, and I think you were born before." He sat there contemplating this, seeming to be in a state of bliss, he threw a plastic ball at the clerk from his cart, but sadly missed. "Are you going to buy that, or are you trying to just be a nuisance?" "You may refrain from talking until you learn German and are fluent." "I think you're talking about World War Two," "No, I think I'm not," "But wasn't that the one with doomsday?" "There's a lot of wars I fought." _____ As you can imagine, the clerk was in a very deep state of chagrin. The bag boy was sad, because the bag boy wasn't bagging. The people behind them were in a hurry, or maybe just impatient, and one of them had an important meeting and wouldn't make it. Finally, they figured out the secrets behind this man of mystery, with his views and compassions of war that distorted history. He spoke in mimickry and copied the words of those in anger, and he couldn't tell when someone was about to put him in danger. It seems our hero was a sixty-five year old with an invalid card, he suffered from Alzheimer's and his mind rested in shards. He was brought to jail afterwards, just because lady luck is fickle, even with a military discount, he couldn't buy ten million jars of pickles. |
Sit down and relax, listen to the beat of my nervous heart,
My fingers coinciding with the thump as they pull apart. Start to sweat, but still not thinking of the day about to happen, Imagine the cheers after it's all over and everyone is clappin. We huddle together, keeping the circle alive fighting to death, Hold on to the moments of bliss, cuz there's only a few left. Get on the gear and start concentrating bout the battle ahead, I dread the moment of fear, but I love to eat the dead. . . . Get up on that pedistil that keeps me safe from the neighbors, I watch as the opposition is keeping up his momentum, Trying to kill me like someone owned em, but God sends me a waivor. My turn to take on the killing, be ready cuz now karma will go around, The bombs and bullets are silenced, there is no more sound. I start aiming for his heart, it's so close I hear it beating inside him, I missed, but my second shot hit his leg, I think I surprised him. My comrads are yelling for me to keep going, it's hard to do it, He ducks 3 more bullets, like my actions were prevoked, he already knew it. So I keep searching for my ammo, but my supply is getting low, The show is nearing the curtain call, but still needs that final blow. Ohhhhh the pain I feel is beyong words cuz no one can understand it, This adrenaline rush is crazy, but my mind and body demands it. I'm using my mind to conquer, no longer will my concentrating be my rescue, People still screaming in pain and glory, trapped inside this world of a zoo. To him I'm nothing, but my final blow he will feel if I die trying, I act like he doesn't faze me, but he can tell that I am lying. I just thought of something and move closer towards him and my time is now, He isn't expecting this one, no no no, I just need the right angle, and BLOW! . . "Last time to spare ya man, so here's my final bullet to shoot I copped ya album last year and it sounds good...when I put it on mute!" . . The cheers are outstanding, amazing to me cuz now my prize I can hold her, This battle was a tough one, but just another day in the Mind of a Soldier. |
Will edit with explanation vote...
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Where's the vote?
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Daemon- I like your verse, the approach was good and the Imaginary was very good. Your wrote out every detail, very Nice. You had an good balane of vocab, didn't over use it. The Emotion was the weakest Part of your versre in my opinion. The Imaginary was the best aspect in your verse.
The Rev- Alright I Liked your verse and the concept was kinda played out to me. The approach was ok. It's just that the concept been played so many times, you could come creative than that the rev. The imaginary was the best aspect of your versre, period and the emotion wasn't. Conclusion- Alright I love both works, but it seems that only one I have to choose. So I choose Daemon, because he came more creative in his verse than you the rev. Imaginary was also decent by both of your verses but again Daemon took that I felt that he put down every detail in his verse. The rev you had an good verse with good imaginary if only you came creative..sorry man your verse bored with the Played Concept. V/Daemon. I don't know if I should close this or let it open for more voters..But I'll get @ Daemon on aim later today...Peace. |
Better a late vote then never.
:\ - pats Rev on the back. - Though clearly mine wasn't about emotion....^_^ Daemon will advance to the next round, and Rev will be given a consolation prize of a virtual dollar. |
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