cali vs whyte ave.
 

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Poems Then Must Be In By Sunday

TOPIC: Devils Advocate

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Harp cords sethered by dark claws of deception destroying hope
The music of life tumbling down shattering in crashing notes
The blood spills like melted wax on a heated surface
Tree bark is torn apart and objected to idol worship
The man stands apart from the siblings of adam
His mindframe confused hatred trapped in a continous pattern
His sword bloodied with the life of the innocent
A body of stone on his face a look of indigence
At his side stands the most beautiful woman of queens
She whispers in his ear of tales and riches beyond his wildest dreams
She tells him of lands long ago where he shouldve been king
She tells him of places long lost of all the wonderfull beautiful things
He stands proud and strong his weopon ready for war
In the mist of the battlefield drenched in the rains pour
His men fight and die thier spirts rising in anguish
As the battle rages on and another enemy is vanquished
The woman whispers of how he is to be ruler of the world
A crown of diamonds and gold layered in pearls
She touches him and send chills up his spine
And the man surveys the valley and says 'one day this shall all be mine'
The woman smiles and strokes the mans shoulders and chest
And the man is drunk upon thoughts of future conquests
He prepares each troop with armor and knife
And the woman whispers to him 'your future is surely worth his life'
He mounts his horse shield and sword in hand
Not even knowing what lies in his futures plans
He charges accross the field his soldiers behind him
Not even realizing the beautiful woman is no longer beside him

Slashed cut and bruised, blood pours onto the floor
She’s been used and abused, treated like a whore
Wounds not seen, always covered by a sweater
He’s forgot, his promise to make things better
Never to hit and take out his anger upon her face
She’ll sit up until dawn, praying to leave this place
But she winds up staying because of the promises made
But he keeps displaying anger, and she prays for aide
A couple days go by and the relationship seems to be healed
But the wounds reopen, when his true character is again revealed
A night where drunken rage fills the inside of his head
No kisses when she arrives, but he hits her instead
By the end her eyes have been blackened shut
Sitting where she’s not seen, attends to her cuts
The bleeding stops, but the tears continue to flow
She finally realizes she should have left long ago

But she does not leave in peace, she seeks retribution
And decides to act out with a violent resolution
To all the pain she’s received, and grabs the gun
Puts it to his head, saying she won’t be outdone
Pulls the trigger and he crashes to ground
As blood pours out his wound all around
The sun rises and begins a beautiful day
She’s been set free, after a violent display

If we were God’s greatest creation why are we violent?
The devil embraced us, and he lives within us all silent
But he manages to escape
Coming in all sizes and shapes

glad to see some one else actually dropped, lol
i'll vote tomorrow i'm too fucked up to break it down

CALI:
-vocab on point - well used in right places
-structure was decent
-you covered topic okay- in places you strayed
-imagery was tight and all the way through keepin me readin
-orignality was there in a lot fo your lines
-overall - 8/10

Whyte Ave
-gd vocab in places some better words could have been used that would have been more emotive
-structure was decent
-orginality in places
-imagery was created but not continuously which made some areas f ur drop boring and less emootional

VOTE: cali

CALI

His poetry was better I believe his rhyming was well put together he had good imagry and he had it as if I was their myself here are the two that I loved.

Harp cords sethered by dark claws of deception destroying hope
The music of life tumbling down shattering in crashing notes
The blood spills like melted wax on a heated surface
Tree bark is torn apart and objected to idol worship
The man stands apart from the siblings of adam
His mindframe confused hatred trapped in a continous pattern
His sword bloodied with the life of the innocent
A body of stone on his face a look of indigence

my vote goes to CALI

aii This Is how I feel

CALI
Vocab--- Terrific
Structure---Alright
Topic Use----Very Nice
Imagery---Very Well Put together i felt as if i were rii there watching it
Originality---Good

Whyte Ave
Vocab---wasnt used very well
Structure--Alright
Topic use--Very Nice
Imagery---couldve done better
Originality--Good

Overall My Vote goes to = CALI

Good luck in the future

yah my piece was shit, I'll admit that...
couldn't get anything goin with the topic
nice drop Cali

^thank You Well Get Another Battle In Here Sun Dont Worry;)

C.A.L.I wins 3-0