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Limited Edition Vs. DeLeon
::::..Rules..:::: 20 Lines Minimum 30 Lines Maximum Checks Due By 6-18-04 Spits Due By 6-20-04 Votes Due By 6-23-04 Topic: Annihilation Good Luck To Both ~R~ |
A'ight checkin' in...good luck dawg.
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Checkin....And I dont need luck.....ha ha j/p same here playa
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^^^Haha.
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Ending Of Earth.......
Chapter 1, verse 8, in the book of Revelations.. depicting mother earth being shook to its foundations.. What will happen is total Annihilation.. As god looks on his creation...as failure before his eyes.. dissapointed and appualed, the thoughts,...soar in his mind.. of whether to end humanity....to disregard his craft.. To erase all life on the planet and start from scratch.. Its such a heartless act but take into consideration... Everything that he's gave us...and how we've repayed him.. We've lied, cheated and stole....are adulterous & dishonest.. Do you REALLY think thats anywhere near what he'ed of wanted.. He promised long ago that....In this Event A war Between good and evil would begin its decent... Down to earth...turning our world into a battlefield.. Humanitys final hour...as we cling tight to a shattered shield Releasing its agressive rhythem, as war-scarred warriors fell Burnt flesh....heavily decorated by shards of shrapnel... The wounded left to die, as bystanders stand the sidelines.. Wide eyed....Watching the blood pour, and try to fight cryin.. Cold tears for the fallin.....as the good and evil play umpire.. To bloodied bullet-ridden Bodies; laid to rest from the gun fire... Bare Flesh..torn from bone...as the innocent fall... only a select few will be able to claim they witnessed it all.. Until the cast is broken....with no signs of vast emotion.. It was predicted long ago....now that time is fast approaching.. |
A'yo...Annihalation... As I look into the nights sky...life full of blessin' But our mission is brutal...so I unsheathe my weapon A man leads us...to our enemy...we try to face them Hope is useless...........we march to annhihalation The determination...is existing in our leader's eyes We are in desperation...we'll be begging for our lives The King is not here...to witness his people's stand It will be our last....each with a sword in hand We begin to march...my heart's pace is quickening Sweat drips down my face...the fear is sickening The leader calls himself...fearful to our surpises But if anybody lives...it will be he who survive this Snap back to reality...the enemy city is just ahead Why did I accept this..? How come we can't decide instead? The person next to me...an arrow goes through his vest The friend to my right...falls in pain, fire burns his chest We are running now...down the hill to meet our end Thoughts in my mind...I will never see my family again There is an enemy...holding a spear ahead of me Theres a no life inside of me...suddenly I'm ready But wait...there was no duel...a pain through my heart My life is over...already...before the battle starts I fall to the ground...blood surrounding me... But it feels so nice... ...'cause now I am free... |
DAMMMIT i just wrote a fuckkin huge fukkin huge break down of both ur verses. FUK FUK FUK and sum dik pm'd me a it made the page expire. FUK
put it short. FUK that pist me off.....sorry LE had nice emotion, slightly more than DeLeon. But i felt imagery, descriptiveness, vocab and rhyme skills is where DeLeon took this. So if its kool to crew vote then DeLeon. I wont poll for now and find out if its kool. Dope work from both..... DeLeon. Chapter 1, verse 8, in the book of Revelations.. depicting mother earth being shook to its foundations.. Its such a heartless act but take into consideration... Everything that he's gave us...and how we've repayed him.. We've lied, cheated and stole....are adulterous & dishonest.. Do you REALLY think thats anywhere near what he'ed of wanted.. Releasing its agressive rhythem, as war-scarred warriors fell Burnt flesh....heavily decorated by shards of shrapnel... The wounded left to die, as bystanders stand the sidelines.. Wide eyed....Watching the blood pour, and try to fight cryin.. Bare Flesh..torn from bone...as the innocent fall... only a select few will be able to claim they witnessed it all.. Limited..... The determination...is existing in our leader's eyes We are in desperation...we'll be begging for our lives We begin to march...my heart's pace is quickening Sweat drips down my face...the fear is sickening Snap back to reality...the enemy city is just ahead Why did I accept this..? How come we can't decide instead? The person next to me...an arrow goes through his vest The friend to my right...falls in pain, fire burns his chest Thoughts in my mind...I will never see my family again There is an enemy...holding a spear ahead of me V/Deleon |
deleon: your topical verse was just hott....the wordplay and rhyme scheme was very very good...not really any good multies but your w/p made up for it.... structure was decent...the consistency and flow was very good...overall very hott verse with lots of emotion....
overall: 7.5/10 L.E: your verse was decent and the flow was good and you had better structure...but your verse lacked emotion and consistency...it was a good verse but deleon had the better one... overall: 5.5/10 vote: deleon ~!1!~ |
LE-You was pretty close but not that good in the vocab
You had some pretty good things in there but yea Similies was pretty but did really lack off on some stuff Deleon-You was very imaginary and you had some nice Vocab and similies and metaphores was aight...Structure was ok but mainly You had some good things and I liked it Overall-Deleon took this becuz he was more imaginary and and his vocab murked it v/Deleon |
le- nice flow, good ryhmes, imagery wasnt there though, sims/metas were there, lacked vocab which u need though, not great multis, but u rbought the topic origionally i spppoise
de- wicked vocab, flow was on kid, imagery was there too, brought topic less origional but still it was good, ryhmes therem, no multis, sims/metas less than avergae, but i think u brought a more pelasent verse vote- dealon |
Yo Deleon took this with better imagery, I like the way you portrayed the end of the world in a bibilical sense. You both took different perspectives, LE kind of told a personal story of an individual wile Deleon took a broader bibilical sense. It seemed to work better for Deleon, plus Deleon had better vocab as well.
v- Deleon |
biting is bad. very bad. especially since baron mind is on this site anyway.
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Hold Up^^^^Who Bit?
~R~ |
LE WINS........DeLeon Bit Off Of Baron Mynd...
LE WINS!! ~R~ |
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