letting some shit off my chest
 

shit on top of shit/
how much more piled up can it get/
feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders/
shit dont get better only worse/
as i get older/
or was i born with a curse/
theory of the big bang/
confused with a supernova/
when playing on this turf/
so i stop/
think about the verse/
this is my life no scripts no rehurse/
visions of my destiny before my birth/
and it was death chauffered by a hurste/
pain suffering and hurt/
whos the blame/
for these lint filled pockets/
and my mothers empty purse/
tears dont stop the pain/
and the suffering is what makes it hurt/
so i decided to take guys/
before they take me first/
hate guys/
before they hate me first/
snake eyes/
so i can see em' when they slivering in the dirt/
trying to stick my work/
i aint drinking/
im just trying to quinch my thirst

get at me let me know what you think

whack. horrible. sucky. gross.
i will never read anything that
you write again. i guess this is
what RB is about? i really hope
not. you aren't even ghetto.
who really puts asteriks inbetween
their bad words tell me that Bl*ze 1
^ yes your that bad ^

thanx for your constructive critism.........

yeah this was wak have to agree, ya got alot of improving to do if ya wanting to elevate any, your structure is even worse than the last one of yours i read, you should be improving.........take on board what people say....

i made some slight adjustments feed me back-"ONE"

keep trying, it's hard getting these guys to like your SHIT, don't worry about it though

seems like you took alot outta of eminem's Halie's Song
but just my opinion

i dont bite rhymes all from my mentall-"ONE"