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DrasticMeasureZ vs In-Depth
...Topic: Imigration... ...20 lines max... ...check in due Wednesday... ...Verse due Saturday... ...2 Votes due on Monday... ...Have fun good luck |
Wow~!........its My Homie Iam Facing.......aiiiiight In-deph.........i've Been Waiting For This So Long................so Bring Your Best And I'll Bring Mine~!
Chea...................checking In Early........monday 11/30/04 Chea |
yep.....Too bad I'ma own you...werd :thumbup:........
checkin in... |
ok sory..I had to make it 20 lines max..so the story is rushed like a bitch lol.. here it goes Diary... of Julio Hernandez September 8th, 2004 Cuba's becoming disgraceful..de ja vu of curruption feelings continously hateful..reminist of destruction Castro isn't there in the mind..he restricks our freedom the stories I've heard..at 1st ear I didn't believe em..but god damn him...tortured people with bags..so they can't see him..and if the henchman says a word its considered treason? there all heithans...and he dares embed a cross around his neck..he isn't blessed..that's total disrespect my family is planning a trip..to the land of free will..if it is real..I want to hold on to the hope..that I still feel with the incoming jobs..maybe we can eat a real meal September 11th,2004 I finnaly caught a fairy to my destination..after alll the waiting the money we were saving..although I got word the U.S. was racist can't be truth..because the rules of Life..there are in a casing a constitution and democratic goverment..I sware anything is better take my havoc anything other then.. any choice is a voice maybe the split of life..is a awake up call..people are not toys I me and my family were explaiming Horra..Our hopes were too large the U.S. went too far..we couldn't get in//they stated they past a new law immigration is federal offence..and we need to go between the bars |
NOW
In a white chapel marrying this strange women hired by my own mother Paid her 10,000$ to be my beloved, there wasn’t any love involved here Pretending to be happy My whole family came here enjoy this fake wedding, Boxes being placed on the beautiful table but it wasn’t any special objects in it Do u take this ? The strange women said with an pretending loveable voice. Yes You may kiss the bride? Disgust to kiss this strange women. My chest touching her breast Everyone gotten up and clapped, fake tears was dropping like an stunt person fake act didn’t sense any feelings for this strange women I was just glad I was out the war state Going by the plan, get married, go separate, few years later get divorce, and that’s it I feel guilty to leave the rest of my people back in the war state, I guess I’m lucky was it? THEN MY MIND TURNS FLASHBACK The days I’ve been in this cell, has puttin me through fire ……like hell The burning flame whip , left burnt bruises while I was screaming for help Hanging on the wall, smelling like arm-pit musk. Smelling terrible. I reek I’m thirsty I need holy water plz god use ur hands to break these chains free I’m skinny, as an straw, with no fluid, food, or happiness being sipped in My teeths has full of cavaties my life is not even like candy not sweetin The air was pollutant, I still can smell the gun smoke flowing in my nostrils I can still hear the bullets being blazed, still hears the soldiers body dropping But I’m not there, I’m smelling fresh air, I’m hearing birds calls from every direction An big building that I’ve got my sight on, today is the day. I walk in the office imigration WELCOME TO THE STATE OF USA DRASTIC MEASUREZ__________________________ HEY I TRIED CHEA :thumbup: |
yea both had some interesting peices and ya came creative as well.but i was feelin indephs more cuz he displayed knowledge of the cuban imigrations and all that shit that happened.he had a good story line and so did drastic measurez.drastic had good creativity but im not sure if its just me but there was many parts in drastics piece where he didnt rhyme or maybe its just his accent pronounciation slang shit or sumthin.well this was a close one,both of ya'll keep it up...
vote/Indeph |
Aiight.. Indepth, You have a kind of weird writing style thats really hard to pick up flow on at times.. But the factual nature of your peice really worked well to give me an image in my head. Wasnt bad at all actually. Only other thing I sort of had a problem with was how you cut off your verse half way through, and the rhyming sort of didnt seem to come to an end.. Instead it sort of sounded forced..
DrasticMeasurez, Well I can tell you having been writing topicals for that long brutha, but it wasnt a bad effort.. Main problems and things to work on would be your flow more than anything.. The lines were really badly stretched with only one rhyming word at the end of the line.. And also staying on topic.. I really didnt get where you were going once you flipped over to the second paragraph.. It was like you were starting a new story or something.. Im gonna give this vote to Indepth. For IMO a better representation of the topic. Peace. |
Basicaly Drastic you skipped around a little too much.........yours couldve been dope with a longer line limit...you need to practice your rhyme scheme
Indepth-good job.....yours was a good story...I felt the hate towards castro......good job v/Indepth he described his better |
indeph-aight u conveyed imagry in yours........you stayed on the topic more.........you had facts about cuban immigration.......your flow kinda seemed to fall off here and there tho.......good story man.......
drastic-your flow seemed off more than ideph's..........your structure was iffy..........you didnt have too much of a rhyme scheme goin on there..........you kinda went off topic......i understand ur fisrt verse was setting up the topic but it kinda took away from the topic itself........just next time try to convey all your lines towards the topic.......just elevate some man......no disgrace in trying man...... v/indeph. :thumbup: |
alrite this was quite a gud battle here...
indeph - nice verse, ya related ya story to some interestin topics, flow was gud n you had some nice multis in there, nice emotion too....liked drastic - i was surprised to how gud this was dawg didnt know u cud write topically, ya flow n structure were off in places but generally gud...gud emotion n gud imagary but i think u were just outclassed on this occasion, nice dawg but just keep elevatin... v/indeph props to both can y'all hit mine n i.mind's battle...thx |
In-Depth wins by K.O.
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