unnecessary
 

i guess its anotherrelationship poem, but i writ it wit a different style den my norm...post ya thoughts

as I witness tha rain, falling from tha clouds
I don’t explain my emotions I stand proud
My minds undersized I become lost in tha people
Im always reminding myself I cant keep you[one day ima lose you]

With so many people yet I stand lonely (you don’t want me)
you tell me a different story from what’s real (you lie to me still)
scared to show notion disguise your true side ( you hide from me why)

I was told you were on a different level it wouldn’t work
Ive seen you brake girls hearts never thought it would hurt
On my kness and I pulled on your shirt to stop your words
Why did you cheat if you said you loved me and I capture your attention
Was she another part of the relationship you forgot to mention

The words pierced through my skin gently (was it ever meant to be?)
You mouth wasn’t moving but I could still hear you screaming (was I just dreaming?)
You asked me back and said she was nothing (Was you fronting?)

Im fed up of your voice I have no choice but to leave
If I stay then ill bleed discovering the reality
So many questions unanswered but I don’t wanna argue
Cant you see in my eyes the happiness I use to achieve from you
Did I ever stay in your mind after I walked out?
Did it ever cross your thoughts I was only there you didn’t need to shout?

As I walked out wit my head up I closed the door behind me
I also closed our relationship we are history

Why did you cheat if you said you loved me and I capture your attention
Was she another part of the relationship you forgot to mention

I hate it when fools say the word love when they're only implying infatuation, thats why i never say it except to my family. It sucks to get cheated on too... that's what my ex tells me anyway

erm ok... yeh dats true, so u dont think anything of my piece? :confused:

I liked it, though the name should be a giveaway the avatar had me thinkin u were a dude but nonetheless i liked the piece it was just so eloquent in the way that u painted the picture and relayed what was going on as if it were happening at the moment, it was an exceptional piece, in short, props, 1luv.

nice piece... full of emotions, kinda played out topic but you did a good job. Nice flow and just an overall good read.
Fav line:

Why did you cheat if you said you loved me and I capture your attention
Was she another part of the relationship you forgot to mention

I liked ya style too, like the things between brackets and stuff....
keep droppin, probs,
resp

cheers for tha replys y'all and for takin ur time too read. much love
peace~roX~

Re: unnecessary
 

I am sorry, I got this far and couldnt go on. An introduction to a poem must be exceptional to overthrow the effects of poor grammar and the use of internet lingo.. It saddens me that there is such lack of respect for the english language in todays society.. There is a time and place for using such abbreviations, and if you really want to encapture the reader, then this isnt it.

Yes, poetry can take any form, and poetry is poetry to the author... but its important to take pride in your work.. because if you don't, chances are the reader won't either.

Roxy, whats good?
Do you do audio's as well as text pieces.
If your interested in doing audio and you've never done it before, maybe your not sure about your voice or you just need help getting hooked with beats and such, send me a mail.

Get me on: AkwanJD@hotmail.com

I really liked your piece...

TOURNIQUET shut up n go home! aight ill e-mail ya Akwan