Hurt
 

heart ripped and trampled like meat.....
You can maul me with your eyes so scavanger, you eat...
Exposed and left for dead, i bleed,lying at your feet....
Feenin for your touch, your heat,the passion raging,breaking the beat...
Words and feelings can't describe the senses i'd need to define.....
The power you have over me, but still i bleed and need,and pine...
For you to be by my side,so close to me inside, yet noone knows....
The flow we share,the truth is you never cared,my tears they grow....
I force you to see,all it is you do to me,but i beg and plead,gracefully...
Touch me,see me,trully,kiss me, want me,your eyes pierce thru me.....
Every desire i have is for you,the one i seek solace in,i adore you,....
Still, you pay no mind,to the hurt that stems inside,stale,alone, i cry.......
On a bed of nails you force me to lie,i comply, to you, the rules.......
My heart will not stand this much longer, and the joy will escape the hunger
And i will move on without another glance,strong,i will stand,and you,
you, will lose the love of your life, your second chance...................... :cussing:

oo that was bomb, wow the emotion in that was amazing , there a story behind this one ? ha no wonder your mod wit drops like that, you have really good word play in everything you do , that what i like about your stuff keep drop'n

yea, this shit is all true, thanks, im goin through a hard time...........1,but i'm pullin through...i appreciate the feedback

yea , its all good, i understand those hard times, not sure what exactly ya goin through but jus put it into ya art

The emotion of this piece is amazing, I felt every word, it was well written and the message was clear, poetry suits you well.

hot drop...had alot of emotion put into this...good structure...and nice flow...very nice wordplay wit this to...keep da drops coming...peace 1

hmmm... it was kinda kool... i've seen you drop much better pieces though. I didn't feel as much emotion as the others felt. It seems like you had a hard time finding the right way to convey your message. I can almost hear the struggle in it when I read it aloud... It starts off strong and then stumbles somewhere in the middle but you managed to bring things back into focus by the end of the piece... not a bad drop at all but I've seen you do much better... just my opinion, though ( if ya didn't notice, I like to analyze shyt...lol)

keep 'em comin'

^^thanks for the honest feedback, uppin...........1

no doubt... anytime... (I.G.= the realest emcee to ever critique yo' shyt... ya want an honest opinion just holla... why sugarcoat shyt? it doesn't help in the long run

wow, thats all i gotta say

I got a word for a peice like that.....Damn
Talk about all the emotion and skill put into thiz peice.....
Great drop!

yes honesty is the best policy ILL GRAMMATIX, thanks y'all for the feed on this one, my emotions were runnin high and needed to unleash the fury, nice quick drop....UPPIN,
one last time

yo Fluid, u spittin some real shit right here ma'. U kno thats y I ask u ta post feedback on my shit cause u kno whats really good. Keep up the GREAT work ma' u kno u doin it! aight holla -1-

This was
Ill

Good creativity, use of vocab and the way it flowed together, i seen you drop some dope shit man and this falls into one of the better ones i read ,

You def should be the mod of the poem forum

10ne

thanks everyone who returned the favor with feedback, i appreciate it very much, uppppinnnn