Sinner (Copyright $pitacular 2001) DOPE
 

responded

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=89526

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=89289

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=81183


1st Verse

Evilness flows through me like poisonous blood
my heart pumps pure adrenalin, no love
chemically imbalanced by drugs....
slugs connect with foul links, think the worst
& be the first to make it happen, laughin through the chaos
check the unemployment lines, this's rap layoffs
brought on... by collective live electric nuerons
far beyond what you're on
perfect formulated lines, crime related rhymes
take what's yours & make it mine
while I define my lifetime through vocal pictures
from gifted scriptures, designed to hit ya where it hurts
keep your verse to yourself, you only make my ego worse...
we all die, but you're goin first
spit flows with explosive words, verbs & syllables
paragraph criminal, & criminal in real life and I'm still like that
so go ahead and hit me up cuz I'ma strike right back

chorus

I'm on my way to hell cuz I'ma SINNER
but my shit's gonna sell cuz I'ma SINNER
Pack the clip full of shells I'ma SINNER
one way tick-et to hell


2nd Verse

I'm hearin voices in my head & I don't recognize 'em
in my eyez I'm seein death... left with no option but action
reaction of survival adaption
make $pit number one so the rest remain fractions
inventive, manic aggressive blessed & impressive
aww your little style's so cute, lemme molest it
don't test it, you just better hope I get arrested
I'm restless, chokin out emcees until they're breathless
ambitious & verbally vicious servin these bitches
each word is efficient, envision perfect precision
I'm livin every word I spit
and if you don't believe me come & test me on it bitch
sinner for life until I die & burn in hell
cuz I'ma do whatever it takes to make it sell
God forgive me, it's just the devil in me

Chorus

I'm on my way to hell cuz I'ma SINNER
but my shit's gonna sell cuz I'ma SINNER
pack the clip full of shells I'ma SINNER
one way tick-et to hell

COPYWRITE 2001 $pitacular

Pretty good man. Flow was good, not great, can be worked on a bit. Had some multi's, vocab was present, shit was right cuz.

Strengths-- It's obvious you got a bit of a vocabulary, so utilize it. You almost over did it in this piece tho.. seemed like some words were jus put in there as what I like to call "Show-Off Fillers". Flow was good man, jus tweak it a lil, fix it up. Multi's were your obvious strength in this one.

Negatives-- Structure wasn't all that great cuz, work on evening your lines and your flow might turn out to be great. Neva kno till you try eh? Hook was bad, didn't like it, needs reconstructin, na'mean?

Best Line (s):

chemically imbalanced by drugs....
slugs connect with foul links, think the worst
& be the first to make it happen, laughin through the chaos
check the unemployment lines, this's rap layoffs
brought on... by collective live electric nuerons
far beyond what you're on
^^ Dope string of lines there, with multi's galore, good shit.

Keep droppin cuz, you'll keep elevatin'

-Formula.

**Peep my open mic when I get it dropped, jus be on the look out for it aiight? Appreciate it.**

Blah nothing great. .

No offense, but you have a lot of elevating to do
That sounded like something by the insane clown posse
A lot of it didnt rhyme and using the same word over and over doesnt equal dopeness
Decent flo though
keep droppin

i thought it was decent 7/10--i would have to hear it to judge your delivery- it seemed a little off, but you never can really tell--untill you hear it

thanks, the delivery does make a big difference in this one... I know the structure looks bad, but when i flow it, it comes out right. Thanks for the feedback all of you

You need guidance 7/10 but get help! you need to know that you ain't the best. battle somebody you think is weak...

what?! who is 7/10?