Suggestions to improve
 

This time your all gonna see a slightly different side of me
Not the one who’ll off your crew but the one who flows eloquently
See taking you in this battle is like saying the Cubs will win the series
And we got a better shot and Tyson explaining quantum theories
Instead of targeting your mom I’ll leave you in a ‘House of Pain’
Then ‘Jump Around’ and stomp your flesh til you succomb to ‘Everlast’ing rain
Verbally, you pack as much punch as a secong rate Teller
Cept this is real magic dog til you see the end like Ol’ Yeller
Thats right, I just hit you some wordplay and ‘Lord Willin’
I’ll soon overshadow, E’clipse’ you and then the next in line I’ll be killin
Now’s your time to pull out your lil pen and notebook
But you may as well not bother cause you know that your shook
Aight dog, I’m out like Biggie playin dodge ball
So remember the new me is out to off all ya’ll

not bad . . .


there is really no particular thing really wrong with it that I would tell you to fix, just keep at it, writing every day, and you'll get better with time . . . good luck . . .

thanks.. man

one a side note thanks for voting on everyone's shit
we need more peeps like that

I wouldn't say theres anything wrong with it, your not that bad.....

We gotta battle sometime Chrit....

that was alright. biggie line was prolly best though