Yo... im lookin for help to elevate
 

Well i got idea's and all but i don't think anythin i write or battle with is ill, ive changed style alot of times and mostly concentrated on flow, can anyone give me any comments... thankz


Ima scream out, till i cant breath out//
And every single blood cell just gets up or gets downs and ''moves house''//
Dam keep out, im blowing streets down with my fuckin freestyle//
i aint street now....but i could be raised in a zoo and still 'keep-wild'//
I slash and stabb i crush wid mad sounds, upon the crusts of crusty mantile//

I'y aint alot but well, bassically how i write.

First thing is first...fix your structure, keep them all the same length and not too long.

example:
Ima scream out, till i cant breath out//
And every single blood cell just gets up or gets downs and ''moves house''//
Dam keep out, im blowing streets down with my fuckin freestyle//
i aint street now....but i could be raised in a zoo and still 'keep-wild'//
I slash and stabb i crush wid mad sounds, upon the crusts of crusty mantile//

what it should look like more or less:
this is to make it longer....Ima scream out, till i cant breath out
& every single blood cell just gets up or down & ''moves house''
Dam keep out, im blowing streets down with my fuckin freestyle
aint street now but i could be raised in a zoo and still 'keep-wild'
slash & stabb crush wid mad sounds, upon crusts of crusty mantile

/\quick easy way to help the lengths, and remove the unneeded "//"

look kid you got some potential as you are already rhyming
with multies and internals...but you got to elevate
i suggest reading battles from elite frontlines, and LLL
dont pay attention to any herbs in FL or EFL

also go and take a gander at the tutorials...they should
help you immensely

Thanks alot, ive checked the tutoralls and they good, another thing im a bit confused is how i could change the rhyme, i find that everything thing i try just messes the flow...

/\expand on that explain it better i dont know what you are talking about

how you change the rhyme??? what in the hell does that mean?

Well, i mean..... at the end of this bar i wanna start off a different rhyme (ending different) but everything i try just messes the flow up, sorta like

i aint street now....but i could be raised in a zoo and still 'keep-wild'
I slash and stabb i crush wid mad sounds, upon the crusts of crusty mantile
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX hot-rocks
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX heart-stops

Like that, but i cant think of how to link it better

X - words

LM and emerge said everything..I wanted to say..but..too lazy to type out..LOL~

stop freeposting in my forum...help otheres while you are here
:mad:

-Emerge

All i can suggest apart from what EMERGFE and the other cat said, is to just work on structure, whish will take care of flow.
Think up more DIRECT punches that diss your opponent, alot of newbs have punches that don't even diss their opponent. Use personals, about the person, these are mostly always original.
PM me if want any other help[, or hit me up on AIM: Bkast00

pce

find personals about the person and tie those into ya punches...they make your punches harder

make sure you punch is directed at the person, i see some people and it just is out there, not directed at all...therefor it dont hit and isnt a good punch

work on ya struct too

i aint street now....but i could be raised in a zoo and still 'keep-wild'
I slash and stabb i crush wid mad sounds, upon the crusts of crusty mantile

wild and mantile dont rhyme...make sure that your ending words rhyme

your lines are stretched also...cut them down, it throws the flow off

anything else you dont understand or need help wit? pm me or hit me up on aim

aim - Potent Prospect

Dam this helped me alot, but the bars i put up wasn't meant for battlin more of a verse to do audio wid or something, ima clear up my struture and put more vocab in, thanks again.