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Before Eden
My life is based on, a war thats raged on.. profound thoughts mixed with scorching napalm.. Teachers and prophets, all burned and forgotten.. even the wheels of time are turnin and plottin.. Blasphamous statements leavin truth trapped in a basement.. it's amazing what a person can do with there back to the pavement.. I'm God's messenger, carrying papyrus stained with ink.. a child born of a virgin, and I'm here to name the king.. He would be called "Lucifer", an angel of past, present and future.. dangerous but beautiful, like two platinum gold lugers.. charismatic and witty, people couldn't help but love him.. but his growing power was stirring up problems above him.. people were lookin to lucifer to answer there prayers.. God wasn't an option..and nobody really cared.. so God grew jealous, full of hatred and envy.. and as time turned on, his anger grew plenty.. He took lucifers life, and cast him up to the sky.. and all the angels under God were wondering why.. Lucifer was a good man, strong devout christian.. and when he spoke of God, everyone listened.. But Lucifer questioned no one, and accepted his place.. as God's left hand man, a warlord with armor and mace.. He would be commander of angels, a valiant soldier of God.. and the book of genesis was a chosen facade.. all the angels of heaven, equipped with flaming swords.. were cast down to the earth, to become lame and whores.. Now it was just Lucifer and God, and the assumption shot in.. If Lucifer was to detrhone, there was no stoppin him.. Too prideful to destroy any creation, he cast him down aswell.. and Lucifer was so confused, he vowed to make life living hell.. the sins of the world, don't trace back to an apple core eaten.. all of our trials and tribulations started way before eden.. and Satan was to reign over the earth, and open the gates of hell.. Known as the garden of eden, the place where satan fell.. |
uppin this shit....why is it everyone sleeps on me..shit
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i should never have to up this...this is a nice concept here....jesus
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WOW! im surprise this hasent gotten any feed back yet?..
This was a nice peice i really injoyed reading it .. You had a nice concept behind your piece.. You picked a nice topic to write about... You had nice word play, nice use of vocabulary... you can work alittle on your structure , but overall nice drop keep it up hope to see more from you Ps: I need a link to an OM' you have left feed back on or this will be closed |
^what he said... that was straight dopeness man... you should ocme check out E.F. but anyway.. pretty much everything B.C. said... 9/10 homie good shit, pm me to collab., or tell me if you wanan be down with e.f....
dope.. wordness |
whats EF...and don't you dare close this you fucking possum whore...
jk...i'll get a link in a second |
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:( Just doing my job :)
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lol...no hate man...just jokes...you do your job well..thats the first time i've been asked to leave a link on this site....i thought it was because i was sneaky...but now i realise it was people sleepin behind the wheel....good work....only thing though...you should up it to 3 links...than that would increase the odds of my shit gettin read...feel me? yaaaaaaa
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or i should be a mod...since i'm always in here...
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Loving the concept, don't think it has been handled before on here so props for that. I enjoyed how you worded everything and how the story progressed, feeling the ending a lot. Your vocab was impeccable, found a good balance between basic and complex which made it easy to follow. Had your flow on lock, structure was okay and the imagery was nice. The concept is so good and the way you worked it out, so detailed, was amazing!
Great piece! DQ |
HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT VISH!!!
i just got to peep this. your drop was pure molten lava brutha. i think that this is the best drop that i've ever seen you do.....word. your on a level that most aspire to be on fam, stay on your game legend. your killin' em. keep up the great work big vish. by the way...i had you in for the e-style crew battle, but i havent seen you on in a minute so i changed it. if you want in, let me know. hollar at ya boy fam. ...the supe duper wun... |
It was difficult for me to read this because of the light colored font.
but...the vocab was nice...good references...flow was good...seemed deep ish in crease ur # of similes and metas...wud be ill-matic P.S...rhyming was just right...not too much, not too little |
thanks for the feedback....uppin this for more like that
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oh shit son, dope fucking piece here, rofl, I wrote something similiar I swear man, lol, but I didnt get it from you though, peep it though, you'll see, mine is what Lucifer was thinking when he was condemed to hell, it's in the sig, "Journey to the Abyss" nice drop though yo, good flow... peep me, I think you'd be interested, 8/10 ~ 1
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