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-   -   guess what it is (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=244778)

$DoughBoy-T$ 11-23-07 06:56 PM

guess what it is
 
click one, click two
now its locked and load/
ready too lyrically explode/
the black lines got your lack
of integrity exposed/
i'm beethoven with this tool
the way i make it compose/
and yes,
i learned to master this weapon
of art like vet/
keep it sharpened and ready like
everyday is a test/
nicknamed this utensil
the lyrical terminator/
beacause i gave it a mission
and thats to lyrically burn through paper/
the camber has seen more led
then guns,bombs,and bullets/
scribes with so much heat
it turns paper to fluids/ :thumbup:
and turns the vapor to music

WhoAmI 11-23-07 07:18 PM

lemme guess you're talking about your pen or pencil

if you're gonna try be smart and use metaphors be more creative and slightly more ambiguous with your approach

$DoughBoy-T$ 11-24-07 01:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkmanner
lemme guess you're talking about your pen or pencil

if you're gonna try be smart and use metaphors be more creative and slightly more ambiguous with your approach


this is the way i deliver my lyrics so with all due respect, keep your negativity to yourself

WhoAmI 11-24-07 01:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by $DoughBoy-T$
this is the way i deliver my lyrics so with all due respect, keep your negativity to yourself


are you stupid i gave you constructive criticism ie up you ambiguity to make the piece deeper

if you only want dickriding feedback then tough shit you aint gettin none from here...u acting like i hurt your feelings n shit...act on criticisms wisely

$DoughBoy-T$ 11-24-07 04:15 PM

blood please do not get into something thaat you cant free yourself from, bkuz on this sight you cant tell hating from love, so forgive my ignorance or fuck you.

p.s.
unless your a female then i don't need you to ride my dick.

Dufflebag Boy 11-24-07 07:01 PM

darkmanner was right but he was just a lil extreme in his feedback. this piece had decent metaphors but it wasnt really linked or compared to anything it was just a pen described in a lot of fancy wordplay.

the wordplay was incredible u didnt make me bored and it was pretty intriguing. i could tell u put time and thought into it alot more than alot of the others on this site. and the words went together perfectly with good flow and rhythm.

my biggest complaint is the structure. i didnt like how u set it up kind of was a lil complicated ta read but still didnt effect much. keep dropping

i give this a 8/10

WhoAmI 11-25-07 12:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by $DoughBoy-T$
blood please do not get into something thaat you cant free yourself from, bkuz on this sight you cant tell hating from love, so forgive my ignorance or fuck you.

p.s.
unless your a female then i don't need you to ride my dick.


i aint showin no love and i aint hating trust me you would know about it if i was hating...

and explain your first sentence

Cola 11-25-07 01:59 PM

umm Darkmanner was saying things nicely....YOU FUCKING SUCK....get the fuck off the site, cuz your whack as fuck....

$DoughBoy-T$ 11-25-07 11:28 PM

over a tousand post but only 2 battles bitch shut the fuck up

11-25-07 11:42 PM

Closed. no links.


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