Check this freesytle
 

Yo i came in
The game was lame
I put my flame in
Game started blazin
My lyrics started ragin
I couldnt be caged in
Everything was mine for the takin
No lieing not even fakin
Never diein thats forsaken
Call me Orion Cuz I'm shinin
I found the place they call Zion
Im bound to my word no untiein
Im crowned king forever ridin (lyrical not literal)
My sound is mean,clever I'm never hidin
If your down ur in,.. no election
U just gained my protection
See you later follow my direction
All you haters get off my back
I didnt call for a scratch
They try to attach my skills
That they cant match
But my skills just hatched
And got everyone attached


Could it be used as a verse?



1 Love

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Skitten
A.T.
Edicus

aight
1 Love

"freestyles" are supposed to be in the cypher section...
this was straight - flow was weak, so was vocab
5/10

Was a little simple. Vocab was aight. Make the lines longer. Make it more complex. It could be used as a verse if you pruce up the lyrics a little bit.

Ok your rhyme scheme was there...
However your vocab needs to improve..


I seen some metaphor which is always good..
Work on your structure..the lines are too short..
and like I stated before vocab is a must,....

improve your vocab and rhyming a bit and you should be pretty straight home boy, well I didn't personally feel it but if it's your first I understand it then man.

diz was straight flow was off...vocab not to hot..but otha than that it was straight..4/10