Topical: Drinking and Driving
 

The suspicious driver takes the wheel
Not knowing whats ahead, he decides to seal fate
Death-Bate, not even buckled in...
His life tucked-in his pocket, pulled it out like money and spent-it
He was on the top of the world, till his toes curled
Girl-hurled, and head threw the winshield...
Thats the after-math, aint more laughter
Just tears of sorrow, and denial
Life aint supposed to be spent, u cant borrow...
As the casket gets closed, the brother is crying
The last basket gets showed, the isle is sighing
The mother is speechless - the father met the peak of death
Yet, is still reaching.. shadow's are creepin
And glass is being cleaned, and blood mopped
The car is being towed, and the flood of suspects stopped
And looked for an explination, no-one gave hesitation on tellin
Family members yellin, friends feeling frustration
"We Told him not to drive", he was 18 his life was about to strive
Till he did a death-dive, His X-Died, His Next-Cried
And the other car passengers survived, breath-deprived
He left behind a wife, and a 2 month old son
Her life is ruined, the boy is spooned (handicap), all cuz of a death-run..
Member dont drink and drive.. think and survive, whos the next one?

ill get my links up later tonight or tomorrow..
dont close this - gimmie some replys tho..

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...threadid=100126
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...&threadid=99042
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...threadid=100066

Ok now it can stay up ;)... REPLIES PLEASE

This was alright i thought....structure could use some work though i think, but you can work on that.....but your vocab was pretty good in this i thought...you had some touching lines i thought as i read through it...you had some alright multies....but overall this was a alright piece here....keep at it.

not another fuckign structure critque lol, my shit was straight
but the rest i agree wit - thanks
peace

structure in my opinion..is fuck all..its how you flow it when saying it...so....liked the topic...i can relate to this cos i jus got my licence back after a drink driving ban........some nice content....scheme was ok.....so was the flow for the most....decent drop....pZ

It was hard to read. I liked the whole thing about the driver. Structure needs work. Flow was off. Keep workn' on it.