Closer Inspektionz
 

Stare into my eyes i breathe the root of world demise/
Children wailing in the streets yet the Lord don't hear their cries/
How can humanity just walk on by? seeing trouble, toil and tears/
Crouched in the darkest corner, outrunning earthly fears/
Awaiting days when death would rise from life and steal the time/
A bottle of pure emotion still encompassed in a rhyme/
One world overcome by the jealousy of the human race/
Striking like a parasite proving the dangers made to face/
Viral infections prominent technology cannot erase/
We live by their rules always the lower case/
Top of the chain falling steadily day by day/
Predators on the increase only hope to fly away/
Taken over by the wealth we all consumed/
Nothing left this is the punishment death by poison fumes/
Suffocating in the silence gravity held down, entombed/
Buried six foot underground this society is doomed/

reply pleez??

lol...im not quite sha wut the sgnifigance of the pic was but i liked the words....poem was tight it reminded me of one of the enlightenment thinkers..but i dun remember his name but he said how society corrupts....thas wut u made think of...it was dope i was feelin the vocab and the flow and rhyme scheme...it was dope..

thanks for the reply, it was meant for open mic but i didnt have time to post the links there so its here for now..

I'm just looking at your sig and wondering if wonderland is between your legs. Some reason I feel like I should see how deep in fact, that rabbit hole does go.

Sorry. That's my magic talent by the way, to turn anything sexual.

Ok, but for reals. This peice actually gets me thinking about indians and hippys and russians. In other words, this poem makes me think that you're expressing feelings about how our modern society is devling deeper and deeper into a state of unrepairable dispair.

The Russians for the longest time blamed it on things like capitilizim and democracy, and thus they solved the problem with communism. Which didn't ever actually work. The hippys on the other hand, had their own little societys and it worked for them, but never on such a grand scale as all of society. But the indians had that system of communism in economics as well and it worked for them. Up until they were bitchslapped by whitey.

Not just me, but a lot of people, would say that a lot of the problems in our society you're expressing in that peice could easily be solved with a communistic republic.

But that's just me at least.

~Irenic~

your intro to this piece was nicely written, and catches attention fast. i dont think that i caught all of it, but thats just coz im in a really mood right now i guess. you place your words nicely and make your sentences sound good, the way you pick your words and where they go always brings more to your pieces. it was a good read.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

What significance does that attached picture have?! Oh wait, satire?...

This piece of writing pounds upon the issue in an intense manner. Unrelenting. Round and rounds of blasts at the deterioation of modern society. How evolution is also devolution nowadays..(er..)..

Very powerful. Almost harrowing. Most definetly profound in raw angst...

...resp...

the words flowed so well that i had to read it more than twice to be assured that i didnt miss anything by concentrating on the rhythim. the message was great, and fresh. the emotion was portrayed in such a manner that the simplest of poets could read and understand it, and yet the message was deep enough to keep the attention of the more experienced poets. i also find myself confused about the picture....well watever, the point of that was:good everything, great poem.

the picture had shit to do with it..i just wanted to see all y'all reactions...sorry..i've had my fun..

well thanks for your veiws on this..i didnt quite get some of the responses but i guess by the overall it was an ok drop?

It was a lot more than just an ok drop. It made me think. And to make me think is a good thing, mostly because it makes my brain get hot to the point it melts all the fleas in my hair. Although sometimes I've thought so hard things got set on fire, luckfully this peice didn't do so.

And sorry for not giving you the kind of response you wanted. I've never been good at replying and I tend to rant off on a spiel.