White & Decker
 

Replied to:

Return by Kastaway
But it's hard by Crackabox187
Topical: Drinking and Driving by Viscosity

Just some shit..... Enjoy

I walk down these fuckn' cold rainy streets
And inside I try to mold words to beats
I've got gold but I'm not eyed... but defeats
And I've sold out my pride to wicked treats
I'll treat you to an insult fuckn' prick
You can't flick your stick to this fuckn' chick
It's a slippery dick world we are in
With each wound we lick... one more wound comes in
I grin when they put a pin in my skin
But I'm tough... fuck... I'll take it on the chin
I try to hold in my sore broken guts
my hand was in the damn drawer when it shut
It's such a chore when you ignore a whore
She'll explore your snore... pour water on your corps
I'm a lady who really wants Shady
So maybe I'll be in his shoes someday

yo.....

short with a basic set up...but i liked it....the flow fell towards the end...but yeah...interesting lil read.....jus add some nice multis n internals to ya scheme...and up the vacab.....Pz

Yeah this was ok....structure was alright, it could use some work though....your vocab could be better, try to up that.....try adding some multies to this to help it out and to make it better....flow was ok, but it fell off at points...but keep at it.

It's a slippery dick world we are in
With each wound we lick... one more wound comes in

good line. the rest needs more distinct flow and vocab.

Thanks for feedback. Uppin for more.