Healthy Atmosphere
 

i'm at that happy place where the sun shines
an enviorment of fun times that make you love life
for what it's worth, and the punchline is birth
except sometimes it hurts, the reason of my return
to this beautiful room where i'm atop the earth
standing on a pedestal hoping i don't fall, .. it's hope
i wish someone would attach strings, so i could float
a rope .. anything that could pull me to heaven
after my pedestal falls to it's side and i'm remembrance
reincarnated in this small haven .. a pension for all
said to lessen the fall, i'm all hated by everything alive
i'm the thought inside the back of your mind
shit, i'm the thought in my own mind, double persona's
that could even trouble the loners, but this is it
my death my birth my first day of school ..
the end of the spool feeding the line feeds from my lines
its mine .. as the pedestal falls i float and my neck hurts
.. it was the opposite of everything .. except birth
turn right at my left nerve, floating in the room of happiness
except my emotions were found inside my suicide note ..

collapsed in it ..






* i replied to like 6 open mic's today but i don't have time to get links. so don't delete it bitches. =)

Great piece.....

"double persona's
that could even trouble the loners"

I just loved that line for what it is......excellent line.....

Again excellent piece, I wish I had more to say but I guess you can say I'm speechless....

loved the ending, too.....

Keep it up

Sand....its nice to see you postin shit in here. This was a dope piece, many quotables, too hard to choose. But this was a wonderful read. Good drop.

Nice piece, Kalos.


i'll edit more here tomorrow


SHALOM!

aight that was good.....keep the ink flowin'

^ keep my sperm flowin' on your momma's face.


give a better reply fuck nugget.

..WoW..very well written piece...not to be sentimental..but this piece was very 'emotional'..your story telling was truly amazing..
a wonderful piece..I'll be looking forwad to your future works,.,

look at my past works .. because i used to be better =)

^ Your right, I have seen way better after checking your past ^
You had alright word play, felt like you forced it. The vocab was straight, you didnt have to much nor to little. The rhyme scheme was weird, which I like. Not very many people switch there schemes up anymore. Not my type of topic, but you worked with it ok. Honestly, not just saying this to piss you off. For a
' Legend ' or ' One of the best ' I expected alot better. No beef though, it was still a good drop... 7.5 / 10
I hope that was a good reply, at least im honest... ya know...

writing is art .. thank you for letting me share mine with yours ..
this really isn't the best i could do .. i just want to influence someone, and maybe give someone some emotion through my writing .. don't worry high, i'm not the type to get pissed off ..

It was good. Good vocab and punches. Keep up.

yeah, we sure did work hard on those punchlines ..