|
Dedication to my Dead
dis dedicated to all my perished real dead niggas
picked off by bullets from infrared beam rifle triggas every corner adjacent no time for contemplating can't see whats waiting coming evil as Satan thugs and gangstas showing all their tats telling em' dawg, I guarantee I got yo back apparitions and ghastly deadly casted minions witnessed and percieve my niggas shot unforgiven AK ruling every boys lifeless retribution drinking da deaths of bloody communion suffering from nostalgia and grotesque nightmares God why did I see my niggas get murdered there? trials and tribulations seem to always await my arrival the only way I feed off my emotions is through a rifle ravaging piles and piles of bloody cement feeling lament stacking up bodies and tact being remaining stainless ferocious attacks on niggas walking up and down street lanes we need to impede da progress of shit happening to shame my nigga D-flo's life ended in a desperste fiasco till bodys lay beside me open with dripping holes i'm never going to start thinking about to desist dis is to my passed away niggas to fufill a wish to keep da torches up and stay fixated on life stumbling and rebounding up from my gripes try to stay on my melodic note like sheet music no one can help me on problems, only I can do this R.I.P. to all perished and niggas dat have gone by I'll meet you all in heaven if God ever has to decide dis shit get deeper than all kind depths of the great oceans visioning all my dead grave dug niggas to see em' I'm hoping |
|
This was alright i thought.....your structure in this was alright, could be touched up a bit, but nothing big....you could try to use some more multies in this though...you had some alright vocab, it could be up'd though....but overall this was alright...keep at it.
|
pretty good piece, it had a good flow and some nice vocab a well put structure i think you need to work on some wordplay and a little bit more creativity but good drop man keep it up
|
Re: Dedication to my Dead
Well, as I see it, who gives a fuck about the dead...their better off than we are.
Fuck these candy-coated comments and critique. The only way people listen, is to get it raw, uncut, unpolished...so here goes. Quote:
-They can't be any more "real dead" than dead, buddy. And it seems you're referring to a selected few of dead people...those who've only been killed by "infrared beam rifle triggas"?. I don't really fancy gun reference..deems immaturity. Quote:
-Well, nice bit of vocabulary, but what relevance does it have with your piece? If you had started out with something along these lines..then maybe, your piece would be half decent. Quote:
-No. Just no. You never include the words "thugs" and gangstas" in a literary piece, unless you're mocking it..but never taking it into serious context. Quote:
-Must be some inside shit. Because I don't get it. You're just being redundant. Ghastly, is Deadly. When you're dead, you become a ghost (in some beliefs). The last line could've made it, only if you would've excluded the "nigga"...give it a sense of morality. Give it it's own persona...we don't like e-thugs. Quote:
-?...You went from incredibly wack, to What the fuck? Quote:
-Curious, what are you nostalgic from? Fuck the rest. I respect the little time I have here on earth. Maybe your verse will come to life and eat you alive...for writing it so badly. It's the only revenge that's pliable to the human mind. Pick it up kid. You were promising in some parts. You've got the vocabulary...use it. You have plenty of time to elevate..in terms of multi's, wordplay..etc. You'll make it. Elevate. |
true man thanks more feedback upping............................................ .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .............................
|
Very good. I think this is talented shit. Good vocab. To the the truth, I don't care about structure. I hate it when people say that because they don't know how I rap it. Ya know? Good job.
|
uppin for many more replys............................................ .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ...................................
|
...descent joint..I liked your wordplay..and this piece had a little creative side to it..keep on elevating..
|
you used the smae replies for more than one piece.
|
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:24 PM. |