Together, Forever or never
 

hey shorty-
you know im sweatin ya body-
im fantasizin bout the way that youd be lookin on top me-
But straight up Ill be-
the man whos icin ya wrist-
Ill make you smile like a girl who aint neva been kissed-
yo ill admit it for real-
boo im a playa at heart-
but i aint neva gonna let that word tear us apart-
so whenever im wit cha-
ima give you a list a'-
the times where i loved ya and the times where i missed ya-
i like da, way ya shake ya hips boo whenever ya walk-
I like da way ya lick ya lips boo whenever ya talk-
for real shorty-
you make lookin good so simple-
smile meanwhile deap up im caressin ya dimple-
im sayin, any man tell you that ya well grown?-
im boust to drop the numbers all up in my cell phone-
so whats the deal shorty-
you feelin my game?-
or should i put my jersey back on and just keep on playin-
I mean together forever or never is we on that level-
is you a sign from heaven or a letter from the devil-
see my love for boo-
is like the ocean blue-
I mean forever babygirl its just me and you-
so put a smile on your face and wipe your tears away-
and remember tomorrow will bring a brighter day-
can you trust what i say, im sayin yes you may-
cause anything that you want babygirl will be arranged

Dont PM me your links lol....just post them in your thread lol...

But this was ok...your structure could use some work though....try keeping your lines around the same length so its structured good and so it helps the flow out...also try adding some multies to this to make it better...but overall this was ok....and keep at it.

alright, good look

lol, hmmm, i really like how u stuck on topic in this verse. That was nice, i notice in a lot of songs like this, many people tend to drift away from their main focus, but u maintained it.

I would suggest maybe adding a few more complex words in there or a witty punch or sumthin. Then it becomes original and creative, and it's always nice to see sumthing new, jut try to add sum creative elements to it.

Overall...im feeling it, I have a thing for these songs about gurls, just make it more creative and it'll b ill.

better structure is needed, more wordplay, no love songs but aint bad. 5/10

yea, I like writin bout the shorty situation in my life, it always just comes out better and wit more feeling. Thanks for the critique. Ill take your advice