A rose to die
 

I wrote this awhile back an im not sure if its any good but i thought id share it... feedback pls



I am a rose to die
petels fall into the sand
my tears glide into the palm
of another wounded hand

Here i am to lay
spending my final days
a reflection blue
from the pupils of dismay

Staring I am
as the body lifts to stand
both of us together
crippled rose and crying man

They say our bodies rot
ashes will spread accross the sea
memories will be forgotten
along with you and me

I am a rose to die
but long so i have lived
had spread my red devotion
who those who cared to give

Days they have gone
so slowly then so fast
the sun promised me future
future brought me past

Your eyes have adorned
my frail purpose
as my life
has been your eyes

Our worlds have been words spoken
We all, a rose to die

That made me cry! It was beautiful... You are so talented! The simplicity of the peice, yet it was intricate enough to wrap you around it as you read it. You have a way with rhythm that is brilliant, I never wanted this peice to end, because you used metaphores amazingly and placed the simplicity so well in this. I'm not a rater but I give you a 10 on this, I am very impressed with your work... peace

A well constructed piece releasing emotion and a fair bit of sentimentality too. But especially melancholy and overall endearing seemingly never ending (or circular) sadness.

..resp...

such a simple piece yet it brought so much emotion and feeling. your message was strong, and you told it in a unique way, making it that much more interesting. your flow was awsome, and structure was simple, but it really worked for this piece. it seems that the simplicity to it made it that much more effective. this was very well written! resp.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

Very insightful peace. I felt that you could have structured the stanzas to fit a more worldly accepted format. If you do that might get published. Just a thought. Great poem

Very Touching Piece and Good Focus. Kept ME focused Like you kept your focus on the topic. It was very clear that you put amazing effort into this poem as well. Good Poem

good piece...i like the simplicity of it...it made the emotion shine out...you have talent...the way it flowed was on point too...you are really doing ya thing...STAY UP

Thanks for the critiques, i take them all to heart, my work is my life, and its very much appreaciated.