RapVerse.com Community

RapVerse.com Community (http://community.rapverse.com/index.php)
-   Textual Releases (http://community.rapverse.com/forumdisplay.php?f=5)
-   -   The Orchid With The Pistol (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=101604)

Kosta 12-27-03 12:05 AM

The Orchid With The Pistol
 
The Orchid With The Pistol ..



there was a nude woman asleep in the flowers
her image set the tone that got increasingly louder
she would breath with the power of knowledge
enough to teach the bricks the meaning to softness
she could only speak to the falseness of brain ..
because she was the eternal dream of going insane

this lady was 40 years old, lost in adolesence
she held a childs innocence in her palm with incentive
her thoughts were collected inside one question
..how come the not so honorable always get mentioned ?
this drove her to the place beyond the highway
where madness doesn't constitute anger, or a life stage
life's stage for her was her dresser and mirror
broken with cracks and engraved "ugly won't be seen here"
she'd stare at it daily, sometimes throwing awful fits
she'd had it all, plastic surgery, makeup, even electrolysis
n' that's not even all of it .. the orchid with the pistil
shot her nerves enough to make her cries a nightly ritual
but tonight, she's in the fields with more orchids
flying through her dreams with only silicon to soar with
everyone looked at her, .. and knew she was fake
although, this artificial girl had a heart with a real face
inside she was just a child, with ludicrous thoughts
but her incentive forced her to act, ludicrous or not

so we're back to the field setting and she's asleep again
our subject somehow added an s by neglecting a piece of him
the flowers are now wilted .. and blood covers the ground
nothing utters a sound it's only death that makes this image loud
a smile covers her face .. maybe death is peacefully scenic
lol no more beating around the bush, .. this heshe just cut off his penis

happiness at last ..

Thrust 12-27-03 12:17 AM

LMAO! hahaha

actually... this sounded real deep in shit.. like all emotional...
deep in thought... it was good really... and that twist there...
wow... i love shit like that...people being unpredictable...
i loved it... it was a solid piece at 1st... and the ending...
was like the cherry on top... very nice

Isqael 12-27-03 12:30 AM

Hmm, ok, it's great to be really indirect with a piece, it gives it good meaning, it's also great to have a good twist at the end. But if it's indirect, people rarely get the twist, and it just comes off as random. I feel that's what happened here. Good imagery and stuff, but I couldn't follow.

Inner Thought 12-27-03 12:44 AM

man your can fucking rhyme, i thought i seen the best until i read what you wrote, damn man, thats some deep ill shit, and i have to say....... no doubt

Menik 12-27-03 01:12 AM

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.

Lewd 12-27-03 01:22 AM

i thought it was great i loved the whole think.great flow and vocab,i loved reading the thing the whole way through good job

Kosta 12-27-03 05:02 AM

female plants don't have pistils isqael ..
that's the meaning behind the peice ..
it's about a man who wants to be a woman ..
and finally just snaps .. holla

Kosta 12-27-03 05:27 AM

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&postid=1020616
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...=&postid=987056
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&postid=1013245

Efusive 12-27-03 06:54 AM

wow. it's much better when you have verses centerd.. i might try it some time.. well anyway nice peice hommie. keep up the good work..

Thank You
Peace

Efusive 12-27-03 06:55 AM

keep forgeting to post the damn rating.
7.5 out of 10

Good Luck!! :)

Accelerate 12-27-03 11:38 AM

This was a fuckin dope ass piece. I loved how you used metaphors describing different types of people in your second verse. Not only that, but the way you produced a different type of imagery was just fucking awesome. Props to this piece, one hell of an interesting read.

Kosta 12-27-03 02:00 PM

yeah, i kind of expected even more dick riding from this piece ..
cuz it's one that i actually like that i wrote .. that's kinda rare ..

Isqael 12-27-03 05:47 PM

I understand, I'm not a moron, I passed Biology, I'm just saying that you shouldn't do a twist, and beat around the bush with your piece.

Menik 12-27-03 08:15 PM

Sorry this is closed....Your links arent even Open Mic Links...1 leads to Word Perfect Check In Thread...the other 2 lead to 2 battles...sorry, Closed.


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:13 PM.