~: In Cold Blood :~
 

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101684
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=100714
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101854

Caged in a cell crawling with infection, segregated from the landings for my own protection/
Cockroaches plague the filthy floor, civil blood taints my complexion/
Carted off to Psychiatrics, for screaming at my reflection/
What else is there to do? than taunt myself for this evil crime?/
Innocence is what i crave now i'm stuck doing extra time/
Any life worth more than mine, as i struggle to survive/
The world is closing in on me, i can only hope to stay alive/
Stewing i contrive to devise a plan of my escape, life sentence is inevitable, i have chosen my final fate/
Foolish dreams of spiteful love affairs, my husband waiting at the gate/
I sold my soul to the devil, when i, in anger, killed my soulmate/
Knowing what i have done seems not unlike a harmful punishment/
Regret has no effect as they ponder on my imprisonment/
I can barely see the light of day as beams break through the tiny cracks/
My memory has deserted me, my family turned their backs/
I was made to face the facts, when doped up down the block/
in cellular confinement awaiting dawn, for unlock/
Screws there to abuse, each day another bruise beaten in a corner, because my body i refused/
Every night i feel their dirty hands, i taste their evil breath/
And i cry because its all my fault, i wish God came with my death/
I deserve this all for what i've done, i'm so sorry but its true/
But it seems that i'm just another animal, trapped in the prison zoo/

pretty deep spit, fa'low were a bit misguided, an structure could of done with a lil polish. But part from tha its all good.

like he said.. it could have done wit better structure

I felt dis piece more den most peeps cuz i just got out of incarciration and a lot of the same thoughts constantly plagued my mind...

but damn girl...did dat shit really happen 2 u?
if dis is tru, den keep ya head up baby girl..better days await u on da outside...

but if its not true...its still a dope drop reguardless

keep elevatin ma
-1-

nah, i was just watching this prison drama and it happend on there..'Bad Girls' its called...such a coo show!

thanks for the feed

uppin for more

thought you showed some nice vocab in this....lol at bad girls.... i liked the flow(most of it) n structure, went well.... i quite liked it...good drop i think...pZ

Yeah this was a good piece....your structure could use a touch up in some places, cause of some of the lines being stretched out a bit but still good though....you had some good vocab...flow was good in this....and keep at it...Check CV's Tryout Thread, Thanks.

"in cellular confinement awaiting dawn, for unlock/
Screws there to abuse, each day another bruise beaten in a corner, because my body i refused/
Every night i feel their dirty hands, i taste their evil breath/
And i cry because its all my fault, i wish God came with my death/"

Deep lines....
I was feeling this,..Reminds me of a suicidal note...I once did...
Your structure needs work...Your rhyme scheme was on point...
and it kept me wanting to read more and more...
your a deep head Liba Dee...I would like to do a collab...


Laters...

Feelin' This Through The Deepness. . Really Nice Piece Ma. . Like Oh Dude Above Said. . RS Was On-Point Like A Freshly Sharpened Pencil N The Content Had Me Readin The Whole Thing. . Flow Stayed On For The Most Part. . Vocab Was Good. . I'll Mos Definitely Be Checkin' Out More From You Aiight. .

- Formula

** Peep It's Her N Me When It Drops . . Appreciative Of That **

In short form:
Work on structure..nice vocabulairy...
Some deep lines..enjoyable.
Shows potential.

well thanks for all the feedback i've had on this..i'm glad to see i am given support..