Keystyle-Enter the Womb of Words
 

this is somthing I just threw together no dicktonry reading, i just no alot of words for some reason, it's eXtremly conmfuzing and you probably wont like it but i figure what the hell here it is check for yourself



My purple verbal perpendicular drive by's be intrinsically hidden inside metaphysical lingo molested soprano wise guys disguises/ ebola infested / uncontested/ flo melody archeology time invested/ elohim round table discussions cuz they interested/ infinite mind tek 9 next level lessons/ infinity/divinity/serenity/tranquillity/ grim reaperly remembered me from the toxic state of shock century/ for 9 months I been skeemin and swimmin in semen/ evicted from the womb/ bleedin infantile style/ findin air from the cramped nappy dugout for life's tru meanin/ I told yall / I composed a flo show fo indisposed froze souls who embraced platinum but still love Egyptian pawn shop financed ghetto gold/ real flo kings know only th English slangwich detains us/ I battled heritage and heroism in parallel sick mad blunted sickle cell dimensions just to save and justify realism/ its gon be alright 2 nite/ cuz I joined forces wit 2 impregnated pro life pronouns /surrounded by al queida triple darkness troops ,in the suicidal lyrical hold em up nigga compound/ usin the total recall protocol I cant fall rollcall I envelop and embellish hellish plots of devils and fold all/ u should cerebrally instinctly distinctly humbly know/ dat th spit acid faster from mars bastard aint remotely havin it/ I used clueless molecules as delinquent debt collectors to bring back unpaid union dues/ I even download hateful frigid leery intentions, cookin up payback in revenges retro out to get u lab kitchens/ cook em up / with many nice spices/ serve em in nice hearty portions nicely/ precisely/ done rightously every eternal midnight,
who you remotely know this excitin ignitin and itchin
without bitin visciously since the 5th century B.C.?//

Plus the flows well respected/
I connect like highly aggressive dsl internet cable
uncongested connections and flow like the equity behind
a mutual fund tax sheltered low income molested investment//

Unprotected Protoplasmic Paraplegic Paragraphs in ya
nasal Passages/ Packed in like cocain cartel traffickin/ AND ON THE HIGH ENDZ OF DIVIDEND STACKIN
THATS HOW I'AM WRAPPIN PLATINUM PLAQUES AND BIG SIZE
MAGNUM PACKAGES//

I know, I know, COnfuzzing, just tell em what you thought, i'll have some new work coming soon hope you guys like it, ps to the bored admin, or w/e am I aloud to call out rappers at this early in my attendance??

and If it's possible I want to try and get a title or belt or anyhting you guys battle for to gain respect, my main objective is tyo get some respect and make a name for myself... THanks

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get closed, Thanks.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...990#post1027990

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=101290

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...997#post1027997



those are my latest replies sorry for not putting them on my posts

You used the same replies as your last open mic you posted today....get 3 other links with feedback and PM them to me and i will re-open this for you...but until then this is closed.



Re-Opened

This was okay. It was a little confusing and not everything made sense. You should put rhymes in paragraph form. It makes it difficult to read. I do agree that it was complex, but maybe OVERLLY complex to the poitn where it's annoying.

terrible structure... flow was ok
Vocab ok... this was an ok read

strengths: Nice Flow, seems as though you rhymed pretty well with everything that you said. I really liked the flow.

weaknesses: The way you structured the thing was just all wrong. It was really confusing to people like me when reading this. But when you start getting used to writing a little more you will be able to improve on the structure.

conclusion: Well as far as other things are concerned it was a very interesting read, confusing at times by the way the structure of the whole thing was be what keep me interested was the way you keep the thing rhyming the whole way through

Yo thanks, yea i don't like the structer but it was kinda hard to put into bars got alot better shit then that i'll post me Word play tomorrow you should like that it'd kinda liek this on only smaller words at some parts and put into a strust style. it's one of my best, so thanks for the feed back